I was very happy with my blog yesterday and all the people that read it. I could not be happier with what Team Jochi is getting done and I could not be prouder of my son and my litlle girl. I am proud of what I have acomplished to date and I am commited to working harder and getting better. How ecer there is always a story behind the story. I said yesterday I suffered thru the bike course and I sure did. The fact of the matter is that I could have died on that course. I know I will get lots of crap in the coming days for what you will shortly learn but the reality is that it is part of who I am and who I have always been. I recognize I was stupid about it but the most amazing thing is that if it wasn't for Jochi and Gabi I would probably do it again. I learned sunday what this sport was all about and I have to tell you that I want to be there to see Jochi and Gaby succed at it if that is their choice as it apparently is and I want to enjoy every minute of it with Julissa by my side.
19 years ago I heard people mostly family blame something for my cancer. To much fast food, to much Coke, to much TV, poor diet, not enough beer, to much beer, a hit in the head during the tournament I played days before and the list goes on and on. The truth is, who cared. I had it and it was there and all mine. What ever the reason for me it was not important. Most of my family would be shoked after this but the truth is yes, my diet was mostly fast food, and I drank 12-16 Cokes a day and since I was 15 smoked a pack of Malboro Lights every day (Yes, I smoked even thru chemotherapy and quit 4 years ago cold). Any, all or none could have been responsible but none of thoose are typical causes of a Rabdomiosarcoma in the orbit. So again who cared. After my tratment I was so sick of medicines, hospitals, Dr's and anything related I spent many years were it did not matter what I had I would not even take aspirin. I would go to my remision appointents with a return ticket for that same afternoon. To this day when I am asked if I have any allergies I always say the same thing. Yes, Chemotherapy!!! I am very allergic to that. I even wrote that on my road ID but ended up having some sense and deleted it. As time passed it is obvious that any normal human will get something. I would go to the eye doctor and they would say I had something in my eye and there was a problem. Realy, they just discovered america. I mean I know they don't know the story so they want to help and fix it. It's been tried before and guess what I am happy the way I am, I would say. I can see something out of it and that is 1000000% more than the expectation 19 years ago and it is my eye not plastic or cristal. The funniest of stories was when I was getting my medical exam for my pilots lisence. If you can't see you can not fly. I later learned that is not exactly true so I later got a real exam and got my lisence approved by the head medical examiner at the FAA. However for that first test I made it simple. I ask the doctor to start with my left eye and as I read the chart I memorized it. When it came time to the right eye I recited what I had memorized from my left eye. The result. Simple...... acoording to that test I had better vision thru my bad eye than from my good eye. That is the only reason I got cought!!!!
The point is simple I don't like anything medical and my attitude has always been that if cancer didn't kill me nothing simple is going to kill me either. That includes hypertension and high blood pressure. As I have gotten fatter and more inactive, eating anything as long as it hasn't been screwed with, meaning sugar free, fat free, etc. my blood pressure has become more of a problem. Family history does not help a bit either as both my father and my mother are severely hypertensive. My father had triple bypass and died from a massive heart attach. As I said preciously I believe from sorrow but Dr's have diffrent opinions. They are entitled I guess. I take 4 pills for my blood pressure each day. As I started training I went to see my Dr as any responsible person would. But me being me, I left disappointed and had my own agenda. As I have gotten training I have felt very good health wise and I have felt my blood pressure in total control. So much that last Monday as I ran out of my pills I stoped taking them. I said to myself, enough of this pill bull shit. I am training and eating well so I don't need this any more. I must say that Julissa as always had gotten my new refills but they sat there unused. She did not know. In my (stupid) defense, it took longer this time but I can now tell you that what I felt sunday morning was my blood pressure that was very, very, high. By the time I realized it, we were in transition and even if I had the pills with me they would have served no purpose after 6 days of not taking them. I know my body pretty well and I am seldom wrong about my blood pressure and I can bet it was 190-200/105-110. I figuered I would finish my race go home and take it easy and get back on them. No one would know and no need to worry anyone. As I was on the bike I had a pounding headache and I could feel my heart trying to get out of my chest. I had no air and I knew why and my HR would never come down and I also new why. I must say that finishing made me forget about it for a while. But during the race I knew just how stupid I had been.
I know my blood pressure was very high all sunday and I took my pills that afternoon. I woke up yesterday feeling my pressure thru the roof again and spend the whole day like that. However I felt I needed a little bit more stupidity so I went on a 2 mile run yesterday morning. I went home early because I knew I was a hospital candidate very soon after I got home. Fortunately by 6:00PM it had gone down and I was starting to feel better. Thank God. Truly it was the first time I realy felt it was dangerous. I think lots of changes are ocurring and that is certainly one of them. Maybe I should take this Ironman to change a litlle more than eating habbits and training. Perhaps I should give medicine an oportunity to do its thing and work towards what profetionals know and understand. What I did was really stupid and I understand that. I think, with in reason, I need to let my Dr. decide when I can do certain things and when not. Maybe there is space for a Dr. to take care of your health while you practice an "all go, no quits attitude" towards your goal. Maybe I will try that!!!
It was a lesson well learned. Thoose of you who really know me especially Julissa will know I will change. Honestly, I will change because the formula did not work, not because I changed my mind. I think I still don't want anything to do with a hospital!!! I will have to work on that!!! EVENTUALLY. That is who I became and that is who I am. I believe that is what will make me an Ironman or an obituary on Sunday's paper. Hopefully there is some reasoning in between and my kids, my wife, my familly and my cause are too important not ro reason the subject. Since stupidity took over and I paid the price, you have my word I will make an effort to change my way. I have all the support I need to do just that.
BTW, today I feel much better and the pressure is coming down. Hopefully by tomorrow I will be all normal again!!!
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