Cancer is life changing in many ways. You look at things difrently. Your tolerance changes and your expentancies are diffrent. I have been acused of wanting to live too fast, that is what my father said. I can not live fast enough is what I think. I have been acused of wanting to do it all, that is what my wife says. What am I living for then? I have been asked why I do certain things, that's what my mom is always saying. Can I wait to do anything? Finally I have been acused of being less than diplomatic. Diplomacy is, in an informal or social sense, diplomacy is the employment of tact to gain strategic advantage or to find mutually acceptable solutions to a common challenge, one set of tools being the phrasing of statements in a non-confrontational, or polite manner. Please think about it for a minute. One day I was happy returning to college and the next day I am in Florida getting tratment for a cancer that was kind enough to grow outward instead of inward into my brain. No sirs, excuse me and pardon me but I have no time for diplomacy. What it is, is what it is, and if it is blue, no diplomatic negotiation is going to change it to red. Any negotiation is a pure waste of time, and as I have learned time is the most precious gift in anyones life. So the presuption that diplomacy should be part of your life is pure and diplomatically named as BULL SHIT!!! How about you stand by your principles and defend your beliefs, how about doing the right thing just because it is what is right. How about placing your status, your money, and what other people might think aside so you can do what your heart and your principles tells you. How about being part of change, how about changing something because it satisfies your soul and not your pocket. How about it, believe me it is the best thing in the world.
Julissa has gone thru a lot with me and even without me. She has always been independent, a hard worker, a loyal friend, a magnificient wife and a superior mohter. I know all the stories, the ones she has told me and the ones she has't. In the end, and I hope some of the characters in thoose stories are reading, please know that it hurts, it hurts because when you are sick and posibly dying, you never know if the people you truly need will stick with you or will go somewhere away from you for whatever reason. It hurts when people go out of their way to tell your 18 year old girlfriend to get rid of you because you have cancer and you will die soon. Just leave, you don't need to go thru that. It hurts more when these are people you call friends, but it hurts even more when you call them family. What was the reason, what is behind the motivation to do a thing like that? I plead with all you reading to please don't ask. Please, we left that behind many years ago the last thing I want to do is revive ignorance. It is relevant because it shows just how vurnerable you become when face to face with cancer. However it did in fact happen with many so called friends and others. Diplomacy sure, here is a little bit of diplomacy and a little bit of 19 years of rage too. FUCK YOU!!! I am still here. There, some diplomacy for you.
The truth of matter is that Julissa stucck by and never left my side. She took care of my dad who was alone in PR while I got trated in Miami with my mom. Funny how life works, Julissa and my dad could bearly live in the same zip code before that. My father was tough and straight, no BS around him that's for sure. In the end Julissa and my dad built a relantionship that at least I never though remotely posible. You don't speak of my dad no where near Julissa, and when he was alive, you did not mess with Julissa no matter the subject. I am glad that when my father died things between them were that way. Julissa was the only thing I had to look forward and her support was unconditional. I wasn't always the best boyfriend or even the best husband, but I have always known that we are an unseparable team. Over time you kind of shift in life, like from hot to cold, but there are some things you are not willing to live without, for me Julissa is one of thoose things. We have gone thru many stages of marrige and other things, but the most important thing is that we have never wanted to be apart. Julissa has given up a lot. Things that you normally won't give up easily. One of those things is motherhood. If you think that is not important, think again. They say God acts in misterious ways, and he does. Julissa is the best mother I have ever seen. She knows she will never carry and give birth to her own child but instead God gave her the oportunity to change the life of ther kids who needed a mother of their own. Two kids that needed her in every way imaginable. Julissa knows everything about me as I have been with her half my life. I know everything about her. The things that Julissa has withstood all these years are enough for a best selling novel. It goes from my treatment to dozens and hundreds of ideas some good and others bordering stupid or crazy allong with many challenges. Julissa can ride a motorcycle and a horse, she has raced a real racing go kart, she has taken flying lessons, she has made cement mixes and carried a wheelborrow she has participated in illegal street racing and has also sat on the sideline at the race track for hours on end, she has laughed in the rain and cried thru sunshine. She has done some incredible things to support some incredibly stupid ideas I've had over the years. The truth is, that thru every moment of my life important or insignificant, happy or sad, stupid or worthy, Julissa has been there for me. Unconditionally stuck by me and suffered my illness the same way I did. I just can't imagine life without Julissa and I realy question if I wanted to be in it without her. I hope I go before she does, and I truly mean that. She desrves the world and everything in it as a loyal soul that I have the priviledge of calling my wife.
You will know very few people like Julissa in your lifetime, I guarantee you. Everyday someone tells me how they admire us and how we support our children etc. The truth is, I got involved in it with Jochi and Julissa as she has always done took point and made sure we were all right and made sure we had 100% of her support. She is my support team and our family support team. She is who makes it all happen 100% of the time.
At 41 I have done and seen things many will only dream of. I have done a bucket list that would last a lifetime for a few persons. I still have some ideas to realize including a few stupid ones like Everest and one or two other things I have laying around. In all, three items will always be the ones that define my life. In order "Mary a girl that will change my life for the good", "Have a doughter and spoil her rooten", and "have a son that I can share sports with". Who would know it was going to turn out like this.
Who you see in me, the person you know today, and all the hapiness I have lived and will ever have comes from one single source.......JULISSA!!!!!!
When you flirt with the other side you kind of wonder how will you arrive........ I will go smiling, how will you go!!!!!!!!
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