Sometimes your expectations are met faster than you might think and you are suprised! I was operated on my eye soon after I arrived in Miami. I can't remember the date and can only remember three things from the whole proccess. I remember lying down on the bed and a young nurse walks in. She was pregnant and was very nice. She gives me an injection and even before she leaves the room I am in the "other side". I woke up who knows how many hours later and I was tied to the bed. I was kind of programed that I would have a huge eye patch covering my eye. So the other thing I remember was being coverd in pee. Yes pee, I felt myself wet imediatly after I woke up. The nurse, who I have no idea what she looked like came by as I called her and she recognized I was coming back to my senses. I remember she told me I was tied and I told her I was ok and to please untie me. She fell for it!!!! I said it in a soft form not to draw suspision and in my state coming out of anestesia it must have been instinctive. However as soon as she untied me I went right for what they were preventing. I ripped that patch right out and covered my left eye. I can see.... and no black spot either! I was happy as can be. In retrospect I was actually desperate to see if I still had my eye in there, so after I figured that it was there I got back to my anesthetic, relaxed state. I learned later that the tumor had been sent to Huston for analisis and that it was in fact in contact with my optic nerve. Dr. Tse decided to save my vision and leave the piece that was ahired to my optic nerve and live to deal with that another day. I was happy as can be. The next month was a waiting game as they took that long to figure it out. Meanwhile the tumor grew back and my vision was blurred again. Finally the results and the famous meeting afterwards. Frankly at that point I was more worrried as to when I would get rid of that blurred vision and I honestly expected to take a long time. 8 days into my first cycle of chemo I got my vision back and the blurr was gone. I was not expecting that but I was glad. Actually I though that no more chemo was needed and I felt like I just gained a year back. As it turns out it didn't worked that way and the rest is history. For now I will only say this, but very soon I will talk about salvation and the miracale which I was fortunate enough to recieve. I will dedicate a page to that, and I will also talk about false prophets and the business of the church. Part of me lives in total disgust as to how religion is practiced in some places they call "of God" and some men and women who call themselves Gods children or sons or what ever. I don't question God's work but I am still trying to find the reason he made so many succers!!! But more on that later.
Today was a swiming/running day. I had a 30 min run after my swim. I was indeed feeling very good and strong today. In the past days I had a talk with Coach K and among other things I had told him how worried I was regarding my running. I said all along I would not question my coach and I did not, I will remain true to that, but I felt stuck and I needed to address the issue. We talked for about 1/2 hour as he explained to me what was going on with me at this point and what I should expect. He was 100% right. Everything he told me was right on and all the changes were indeed happening. He also told me to be paitient and well I agree but I am who I am and I think he knows that by now so we can figure things out pretty well. I was not content with my coversation regarding my run, but I was convinced that Coach K was right and I should do what he was telling me. He told me among other things that it will get better with time and to take it easy. Ok we will try it his way!!! I do my after swim runs on a board walk that crosses from the city park all the way to the financial district (Parque Central to Hato Rey). About half the distance there is a road barrel. Like the ones used in road construction. I marks a huge hump on the side walk and I guess it was placed there for safety reasons and let people know to be careful in that area. That barrel and me have a history. It so happens that since I started doing that route I could always either reach the barrel or barely reach it before I had to turn back. I run 15 minutes out and then come back for the other 15 minutes. The barrel was sort of like a landmark for me but in the past weeks I had to push to reach it and then pay the price on the way back by having to rest or walk. Today, as I was walking out of the pool for my run I caught up with Alexandra as she was also on her way out for her run. A couple of other guys joined but they were staying inside the park and as I shared what my route was Alexandra joined the idea and said she would run that route also. So we got our watches ready and took off for our run. Alexandra and me......yeah right. So much for a partner, it was like just watching her go into the wind. Our run together lasted I would say all of 10 seconds before she was out of screaming range, but in my defense I could still see her up front and tell it was her. Anyway I concentrated on my run and kept my pace confortable but at a pace I had to work for. I continued for about 11 minutes until.....yes!!! you guessed, I greeted my good old friend the barrel and I still had 4 minutes to go. I was smiling because I felt really good and knew I could keep on running. In the end I must have placed a good 800 meters between me and that barrel before I had to get back. I turned around and extremely soon Alexandra passed by on her way back. I tried to lure her into stopping a minute for water but she did not bite and before I knew it she was once again only a distant person running in the same direction. I kept my pace and ran all the way back no resting or walking. Final toll was 2.44 miles in 30 minutes. That is a lot more than 2.12 miles I did last week on the same run. So what does this mean!! Coach was right, I have to be patient and all things will come together. I still have a long way to go and progress is slow in the running department but I am making lots of progress. I will do my long run tomorrow and I am shooting for another 50 miler on saturday on the bike. As it happened with my eye I was truly caught by surprise in the way I ran today and the way I am now able to run however short distance it is. I didn' expect this to happen today but whammmm it did and I am thrilled about it.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Oct. 26, 2010 Not all days are bad days.
Today has been a day full of acomplishments and I can not forget the good days. I used to take my chemo for 5 days in a row and then would rest for two weeks. I have said that after my first five days I went to Miami beach and partied till 4:00am, no problem. But that was not the case always. As I progressed in my treatment it got worse. In the biggining by the third or fourth day I was feeling well again, but by the end it took all two weeks to get better. After day 7-14 after chemo my white blood count would drop and then it was a visit for a few days to the hospital. It is ironic that I actually liked the hspital visits. Why, simple it got me out of my room and I could see and talk to diffrent people including Rodrigo and Casandra. It was like a weekend away. Mom would always stay until about 9:00pm and would arrive by my side at 7:00am sharp. Sone times my adoptive grandma Dulce would stay with me so mom could run some errands or rest a little. I was always with someone and we had a lot of peacefull time. I was tough I went thru a lot trying to get better quickly only to get more chemo and kill the SOB that was bothering me. Remember the Rodney King verdict and the riots? I saw every minute of it in TV live even when that truck driver was hit in the head with the brick. Dr. B sat with me that night as we watched the coverage. I can't talk much about him because I get emotional but no question that he was sent to make sure I pulled thru that desease. He was all about medicine and little of nothing else. He probably had all the money he ever needed and it matter very little to him. He did very little for me while on the hospital it was really a waiting game more than anything but he always came to see me and we talked a litlle bit. He some times sent me home earlier and some times he was tough and made sure I was were I was supposed to. After my last chemo I ended up in the hospital for 10 days. I was so weak I could not walk to the bathroom to pee. He came in and I told him I felt like I was diying. He explained to me that I had no blood or something like that because of the chemo. I asked him to transfuse me. He said I had gutted chemo for 13 months with out a single transfution and that being this the last chemo he felt I could make it back on my own. My next two days were very dificult but indeed I made it thru my tratment without a single blood transfution. During chemo you have your bad days but you also have good days, it is all about what days turn is today.
Today is a good day as it turns out. I ran 30 minutes yesterday as my body was screaming for some action. I called coach K in the afternoon and we discussed some training issues and future steps. Today I went for my swim and a very intresting trainer ride. As you know that machine and me do not mix. However it is part of the deal so I have to work with the issue. After we were done I cought up with an old frined. Actually the old friend who suggested I kept this blog of my training and my experience. He appeared out of nowhere and I have not seen him in a while. I talked to him a little bit and his support is as always incredible. I truly felt like he was placed there to check up on me, and I was really glad to see him. A few minutes latter he left as he was in the midddle of his run not knowing how important our brief conversation is to me. Jay thank you you are great supporter and friend.
During my training one of the people I met is a young woman by the mane of Alexandra. Alexandra has a magnificent sense of fashion, which for me means that she can match colors. She has a pink bike with matching outfits and pink running shoes which also matches her outfits. So...naturally speaking Gabriela was magnetized by the fashion sense of her "twin" fashion soul. Gabriela is very carismatic so in a short time Alexandra and Gabriela became friends and "girly" partners. Alexandra is an avid cyclist and runner and for a few weeks now my swiming lane partner. I learned a few weeks ago that Alexandra wanted to do Ironman Canada, and so we became training partners. Good and bad!!!! Good because I have someone to do my training with and we will be sharing the journey together. She will be able to push my limits, and bad because this girl is in shape. Basically in that department I am screwed except in the water where I am still holding my own but I concede that it is probably a matter of time before she kicks my ass in that department also. Regardless, she has a super positive attitude towards training, one that is contagous and that is going to be something I will need. She has not figured me out yet but I know eventually she will. She will eventually realize just how commited to this event I am and she will probably learn just how far I am willing to go to acomplish this. Why is this relevant? Because today I just got word that Alexandra has formilized her entrance spot to Ironman Canada and will be joining me in the race of our lives. I have no clue if she has read this blog at all or what her personal motivations are. In reality it should not matter to anyone as long as she thinks and beliefs that they are worthy. Alexandra, along with other people that are very important we will cross the finish line, we will shed tears of joy, we will make a few more people aware of cancer and will influence some to contribute along with my friend Winter in finding the cure, believe me, we will make it. I can't teach you much about being an athlete, I have never been one, but I can teach you a thing or two about getting a job done no matter the obstacles in your way. Some of them we will move aside, some of them we will go over them and some of them we will plain and simple get rid of them. All you have to do is believe!!!!! ..............and training also helps!!!!
So folks it has been a good day full of good news and looking forward. Training is hard but as the saying goes, Not all days are bad days.
Today is a good day as it turns out. I ran 30 minutes yesterday as my body was screaming for some action. I called coach K in the afternoon and we discussed some training issues and future steps. Today I went for my swim and a very intresting trainer ride. As you know that machine and me do not mix. However it is part of the deal so I have to work with the issue. After we were done I cought up with an old frined. Actually the old friend who suggested I kept this blog of my training and my experience. He appeared out of nowhere and I have not seen him in a while. I talked to him a little bit and his support is as always incredible. I truly felt like he was placed there to check up on me, and I was really glad to see him. A few minutes latter he left as he was in the midddle of his run not knowing how important our brief conversation is to me. Jay thank you you are great supporter and friend.
During my training one of the people I met is a young woman by the mane of Alexandra. Alexandra has a magnificent sense of fashion, which for me means that she can match colors. She has a pink bike with matching outfits and pink running shoes which also matches her outfits. So...naturally speaking Gabriela was magnetized by the fashion sense of her "twin" fashion soul. Gabriela is very carismatic so in a short time Alexandra and Gabriela became friends and "girly" partners. Alexandra is an avid cyclist and runner and for a few weeks now my swiming lane partner. I learned a few weeks ago that Alexandra wanted to do Ironman Canada, and so we became training partners. Good and bad!!!! Good because I have someone to do my training with and we will be sharing the journey together. She will be able to push my limits, and bad because this girl is in shape. Basically in that department I am screwed except in the water where I am still holding my own but I concede that it is probably a matter of time before she kicks my ass in that department also. Regardless, she has a super positive attitude towards training, one that is contagous and that is going to be something I will need. She has not figured me out yet but I know eventually she will. She will eventually realize just how commited to this event I am and she will probably learn just how far I am willing to go to acomplish this. Why is this relevant? Because today I just got word that Alexandra has formilized her entrance spot to Ironman Canada and will be joining me in the race of our lives. I have no clue if she has read this blog at all or what her personal motivations are. In reality it should not matter to anyone as long as she thinks and beliefs that they are worthy. Alexandra, along with other people that are very important we will cross the finish line, we will shed tears of joy, we will make a few more people aware of cancer and will influence some to contribute along with my friend Winter in finding the cure, believe me, we will make it. I can't teach you much about being an athlete, I have never been one, but I can teach you a thing or two about getting a job done no matter the obstacles in your way. Some of them we will move aside, some of them we will go over them and some of them we will plain and simple get rid of them. All you have to do is believe!!!!! ..............and training also helps!!!!
So folks it has been a good day full of good news and looking forward. Training is hard but as the saying goes, Not all days are bad days.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Oct. 24 2010 The World was conquered, One event at a time!!!
I feel super happy about my performance today. Today was the Arroyo triathlon. I have to tell you my event was over at 6:00am and I had won by a mile. As I walked thru transition this morning to take my spot on the rack I met a real nice guy, Ivan. Ivan saw I was wearing Team Jochi colors and as I said hi to a mutual friend he explained to me why he was there. He told me was going to do the San Juan Tri last week but got scared because he felt he was not quite readdy. He then told me that he had read my blog for that day and that he got inspired to do Arroyo from that blog. Ivan, you made my day, that is exactly what we want to be about. Six weeks ago I was 270 pounds and had not done excersice in almost 20 years. Last sunday I ran the San Juan Tri in 1:59:xx and today, 7 days later I did the Arroyo Tri in 1:41:xx. I have to clarify that this tri was 300 meters short on the run and about .60 miles on the bike according to my GPS. However who cares, at the distance I would have done extremely well over last week and that is whats important. Ivan, thank you for your words, I hope you had a super race and I hope to see you on the next one. Put your mind and soul to it and my friend absolutely nothing is imposible.
We took this weekend as a little family retreat and left on friday to relax and spend some time with the kids. We had a nice warm up ride yesterday all four of us, Julissa in the broom, but we had a lot of fun the rest of the day. Yes, I took my pills all week and this morning as usual. I also ammended most of my mistakes including my diet which I modified for the race. Instead of purposely carbo loading I just broke my diet with a few things I like and that made the trick. I ate more and some rice and deserts. It was no problem since my diet used to be completely carbo and sugars. This morning I felt strong from the minute I woke up. I knew I was going to do just fine. My goal was 1:45, but I was going to concentrate on my race and not making mistakes. As we got swiming I controlled my breathing and heart rate from the gun. I took a breath every 3 strokes just like in practice and would brethe out of both sides, all race long!!! After about 3/4 of the first lap I felt really good and cought my rythm. I was passing people left and right as I concentrated on my technique the whole way. As I looked at my watch on the first lap I saw 8 minutes which was too fast but I was in total control so I kept it up. I concentrated on pulling hard and on gliding as much as posible keeping my legs relaxed and kicking slowly. It was working, I felt realy comfortable on the water today I could have gone for a few more laps. My time, same as last sunday except my HR was very low this time. It was time to get out. As I beached I felt good and strong. I took my time on transition and got on the bike right along my friend Isis who I left behind for most of the bike part, later to learn she had some technical issues with her bike. The course was like a triangle, with one of the long legs on a 2% up hill and then the other long leg on 1.5% down hill. The plan easy, spin light and at 85-90 on the uphill part and go strong on the down hill. Exactly what I did. I had no problems on the bike and felt strong except for a small incident on the first lap in which I almost became a hood ornament, but we got the lanes figured out succesfully before impact. Thank god. I started strong and faded out as I progressed on the bike which was my plan. The last lap I was cought by Isis on the up hill leg and I have to tell you she pulled me thru that part as I chased her the rest of the way. I was tired but got on her back wheel and up we went, it made a diffrence. I was off the bike in 1:10, wow!!! Jochi would have gone crazy at my T2. I screwed that one big time. I cleaned my feet three times and placed them on the mud twice. I put my left sock backwards and had to take it off and put it on again, and to top it all off tied my shoes to tight. It was a clasic, but I was laughing. I felt the bike on my legs today more than I did last Sunday. I started to run and my back got to me again but this time much softer. My spagetti legs were the responsible today. I probably ran half the time and walked the other half. On the second lap Gabriela joined me and ran/walked the whole second lap with me. To be honest I felt good all the time on the run. A couple of things made me walk more than what I should, I was walking pretty fast, I wanted to save my back, I was getting the same cramp as last sunday but this time I did not let it settle in, and finally I was making my time. At 1:40 I told Gabriela we were running all the way to the finish to make 1:45 and we did as it turns out much faster. I was happy as can be and I was not terribly tired either. It was a good day. As always team Jochi was recognized and I was happy.
Jochi had a fine race today his time was 4 minutes quicker than his last Sprint. He has been resting since he got back from Ironkids so we sdid not expect much today but in the end, with the route adjusted he probably did about his best time again which is super good for today. Today most of the kids from the Olimpic compound went to the race. These are kids that train and go to school together. This blog is not about our Triathlon federation and I wont make it one. This blog is much bigger than that. However I will touch on one subject briefly because it is relavant to the big picture.
For the first time since we are involved in this sport we meet the super kid according to his father. You know, the kid whoose race is ran and won by his dad before it even happens. His comments last night were unfortunate and even today after the race you would find him making comments that were not called for, regarding his kid vs Jochi. I will only say the following. I am so glad and happy that my son Jochi and his son had a talk after the race. They shared a friendly greeting and some encouragement words by themselves which truly defined the spirit of sports. I am content that no issues exist between the kids and that, for me, is what is important, I hope they can both learn from each other in the future . To his dad I can only say that I comend you on your son. He is a well educated young man and a good competitor which I hope can bring glory to PR in his time and that you continue to be a proud dad. However I would like you to know that Jochi and Team Jochi is much more than just a time on a clock. What is important at Team Jochi is not winning it all or being tha last one. Look at me, I am for all intended purposes the last one. I am sure if we were both in a race I would never see you again after the gun, but I bet you that my soul would leave full of satisfaction as it has done the past two weeks. Jochi is about change, is about changing the sport to include young people in fair competition and my friend your son would probably benefit from that also. Jochi is also about helping people thru his charity and recognizing young and older athletes for their efforts outside the competition field and in their comunity. Jochi is about the young spirit of acomplishment which us Puertorricans have made a point of not including our youth as part of our daily life. See Team Jochi is about all that and much more and in the end the time matters very little. I also heard his coaching was mentioned so I will clarify that also. His coach is a big boy and can defend himself if needed, however from my seat his coach has not only prepared him in a healthy way but he has believed in him in so many other ways that once again the time is of no importance. His coach beliefs not only in him but in what he is trying to acomplish, that my friend is all we as parents need. However, you asked so as a courtesy I will respond, Jochi is the #10 ranked Triathlete in the United States of America Thriathlon Federation age 12-15 non elite. He is the #5 Triathlete Nationally in the Ironkids National series during 2010. Jochi is the 6th Xcountry Junior, age 11-12 of the Foot Looker National Championship up to Nov 2010. He is the Junior Champion of the Nevis Triathlon and has been invited to join the Puerto Rico and Guatemala Triathlon federations for future development. BTW, his first triathlon ever was in April 2010. So....I think our kids are much better off if we leave the sport to them. Lets just cheer from the stands and make sure we give them all the oportunities we posibly can.
Today was a huge milestone for me. I will go harder and longer in the next events. I feel I am well placed for Ironman Canada to honor my commitment and make my mark in the world. The world was conquered, One event at a time.
We took this weekend as a little family retreat and left on friday to relax and spend some time with the kids. We had a nice warm up ride yesterday all four of us, Julissa in the broom, but we had a lot of fun the rest of the day. Yes, I took my pills all week and this morning as usual. I also ammended most of my mistakes including my diet which I modified for the race. Instead of purposely carbo loading I just broke my diet with a few things I like and that made the trick. I ate more and some rice and deserts. It was no problem since my diet used to be completely carbo and sugars. This morning I felt strong from the minute I woke up. I knew I was going to do just fine. My goal was 1:45, but I was going to concentrate on my race and not making mistakes. As we got swiming I controlled my breathing and heart rate from the gun. I took a breath every 3 strokes just like in practice and would brethe out of both sides, all race long!!! After about 3/4 of the first lap I felt really good and cought my rythm. I was passing people left and right as I concentrated on my technique the whole way. As I looked at my watch on the first lap I saw 8 minutes which was too fast but I was in total control so I kept it up. I concentrated on pulling hard and on gliding as much as posible keeping my legs relaxed and kicking slowly. It was working, I felt realy comfortable on the water today I could have gone for a few more laps. My time, same as last sunday except my HR was very low this time. It was time to get out. As I beached I felt good and strong. I took my time on transition and got on the bike right along my friend Isis who I left behind for most of the bike part, later to learn she had some technical issues with her bike. The course was like a triangle, with one of the long legs on a 2% up hill and then the other long leg on 1.5% down hill. The plan easy, spin light and at 85-90 on the uphill part and go strong on the down hill. Exactly what I did. I had no problems on the bike and felt strong except for a small incident on the first lap in which I almost became a hood ornament, but we got the lanes figured out succesfully before impact. Thank god. I started strong and faded out as I progressed on the bike which was my plan. The last lap I was cought by Isis on the up hill leg and I have to tell you she pulled me thru that part as I chased her the rest of the way. I was tired but got on her back wheel and up we went, it made a diffrence. I was off the bike in 1:10, wow!!! Jochi would have gone crazy at my T2. I screwed that one big time. I cleaned my feet three times and placed them on the mud twice. I put my left sock backwards and had to take it off and put it on again, and to top it all off tied my shoes to tight. It was a clasic, but I was laughing. I felt the bike on my legs today more than I did last Sunday. I started to run and my back got to me again but this time much softer. My spagetti legs were the responsible today. I probably ran half the time and walked the other half. On the second lap Gabriela joined me and ran/walked the whole second lap with me. To be honest I felt good all the time on the run. A couple of things made me walk more than what I should, I was walking pretty fast, I wanted to save my back, I was getting the same cramp as last sunday but this time I did not let it settle in, and finally I was making my time. At 1:40 I told Gabriela we were running all the way to the finish to make 1:45 and we did as it turns out much faster. I was happy as can be and I was not terribly tired either. It was a good day. As always team Jochi was recognized and I was happy.
Jochi had a fine race today his time was 4 minutes quicker than his last Sprint. He has been resting since he got back from Ironkids so we sdid not expect much today but in the end, with the route adjusted he probably did about his best time again which is super good for today. Today most of the kids from the Olimpic compound went to the race. These are kids that train and go to school together. This blog is not about our Triathlon federation and I wont make it one. This blog is much bigger than that. However I will touch on one subject briefly because it is relavant to the big picture.
For the first time since we are involved in this sport we meet the super kid according to his father. You know, the kid whoose race is ran and won by his dad before it even happens. His comments last night were unfortunate and even today after the race you would find him making comments that were not called for, regarding his kid vs Jochi. I will only say the following. I am so glad and happy that my son Jochi and his son had a talk after the race. They shared a friendly greeting and some encouragement words by themselves which truly defined the spirit of sports. I am content that no issues exist between the kids and that, for me, is what is important, I hope they can both learn from each other in the future . To his dad I can only say that I comend you on your son. He is a well educated young man and a good competitor which I hope can bring glory to PR in his time and that you continue to be a proud dad. However I would like you to know that Jochi and Team Jochi is much more than just a time on a clock. What is important at Team Jochi is not winning it all or being tha last one. Look at me, I am for all intended purposes the last one. I am sure if we were both in a race I would never see you again after the gun, but I bet you that my soul would leave full of satisfaction as it has done the past two weeks. Jochi is about change, is about changing the sport to include young people in fair competition and my friend your son would probably benefit from that also. Jochi is also about helping people thru his charity and recognizing young and older athletes for their efforts outside the competition field and in their comunity. Jochi is about the young spirit of acomplishment which us Puertorricans have made a point of not including our youth as part of our daily life. See Team Jochi is about all that and much more and in the end the time matters very little. I also heard his coaching was mentioned so I will clarify that also. His coach is a big boy and can defend himself if needed, however from my seat his coach has not only prepared him in a healthy way but he has believed in him in so many other ways that once again the time is of no importance. His coach beliefs not only in him but in what he is trying to acomplish, that my friend is all we as parents need. However, you asked so as a courtesy I will respond, Jochi is the #10 ranked Triathlete in the United States of America Thriathlon Federation age 12-15 non elite. He is the #5 Triathlete Nationally in the Ironkids National series during 2010. Jochi is the 6th Xcountry Junior, age 11-12 of the Foot Looker National Championship up to Nov 2010. He is the Junior Champion of the Nevis Triathlon and has been invited to join the Puerto Rico and Guatemala Triathlon federations for future development. BTW, his first triathlon ever was in April 2010. So....I think our kids are much better off if we leave the sport to them. Lets just cheer from the stands and make sure we give them all the oportunities we posibly can.
Today was a huge milestone for me. I will go harder and longer in the next events. I feel I am well placed for Ironman Canada to honor my commitment and make my mark in the world. The world was conquered, One event at a time.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Oct. 21, 2010 I miss my dad!!!
I wish I knew what my father would think about this whole adventure. My father was not complicated he was actually very simple. He was raised in the urban area of Camaguey Cuba. An area called 15 1/2 (Quince y medio). I learned a lot from visiting there. The most important thing was that it was nothing more than a hut on dirt road. However my father cherished that place. He was a writter and a great public speaker although his public speaking subjects were kind of profound and as a young kid i though of them as senseless. Well I know he would be disappointed but what are sons for.....at 41 I still think his subjects were senseless. He was a spiritual man and a hard worker. I think he was disapointed with society in a broad sense and it was probably because of his humble up bringing. I learned very recently as I read some old articles that my father was kind of radical and actually a little less than diplomatic. Like me. But I also know that some 40+ years latter he was absolutely right on his convictions. He was one of thoose persons that had such a work ethic that he made over the years many succesfull businesses. All of which failed eventually. His futuristic vision was always in Cuba not anywhere else so he cared little about the future devolopment of his businesses or his life in exile.
He didn't understood the modern world and were it was heading. His true happiness resided far away from where he was. I never talked with my father about my two other siblings that remained in Cuba and latter moved to Miami. I kind of wondered the story but I never knew in fact what had happened. Not that I cared but you sometimes get curious about your past and your foundation. Very recently I learned that my father as an expat in Miami kept very close contact with my other brother and sister. I read the letters and the telegrams and to my complete satisfaction my father was an honorable man and made some very serious attempts to get his children out of comunism and get them a better life. This was done as he was in exile and trying to start a new life.
I will never know why my father never got into sports or even went to games or that type of thing. I kow times have changed but still. I can say though that he was the first one to call my ideas stupid when they were in fact stupid. He never got to involved but in the end he gave me values and a work ethic that has carried me thru so far with flying colors. He wasn't always the most diplomatic and his relationship with Julissa was very dificult during the first few years. He had his opinion, the wrong one, but it was his opinion and in true Garcia way it stuck until he was proven diffrently.
Like I said, the modren world never existed for him, so when I got dignosed with cancer it truly meant death for him. He listened to all the things doctors said and all the studies and what it all meant, but again in true Garcia fashion his opinion was made. Cancer = death. He was wrong but in the next 13 months he would slowly die inside eaten away from what was his belief. I have always believed that he died the day I was diagnosed, he just hung around to see if he was right or wrong or maybe to make sure I had every chance I needed. Regardless of their difrrences Julissa took over his care while I was in treatment and moved to Miami with my mom. Julissa would take him lunch to his office and would spend some time with him in the evenings. It took very little time before my father truly new how wrong he was about Julissa and from that point on Julissa was untouchable. She became unseprable from my father and I am sure he cared for her like a doughter. It never happened but I believe that if Julissa and me would have ended our relationship, the relationship between Julissa and my father would have continued probably till this day.
My father died February 14 in the early hours of the morning. He suffered a massive heart attack. I revived him three times. Each time his heart would start up it would be for shorter period of time. He died litteraly in my hands. We placed him on the bed and lit a candle. His expresion was very peacefull. I think of him every day!!! He would for sure call the Ironman a crazy idea. Probably the craziest according to him. He would for certain say I had my head screwed on backwards. Ironically he would think that way until he would arrive in Canada. As the event would unfold he would start understanding and even as he would never quite get the hang of it he would have been proud to see me cross the finish line. I missed a good part of my dad, I missed the part where we could talk some profound subjects and I could probaly share many things with him that I didn't get the chance. I would have probaly learned quite a few things from him. My father would have been crazy with his grandchildren and even as he would question the motivation for a sport like triathlon he would be there cheering for Jochi and Gaby at every event. His sport was baseball, but he would eventually catch on I know he would.
Having him around would have been perfect. Unfortunately that is how life works and how it is supposed to work. I dodn't think my fahter died of a heart condition, I think cancer killed him. My cancer, as he could not deal with the illness, the treatment, and his predetermined posible outcome. All that remains to say is that I miss my dad!!
He didn't understood the modern world and were it was heading. His true happiness resided far away from where he was. I never talked with my father about my two other siblings that remained in Cuba and latter moved to Miami. I kind of wondered the story but I never knew in fact what had happened. Not that I cared but you sometimes get curious about your past and your foundation. Very recently I learned that my father as an expat in Miami kept very close contact with my other brother and sister. I read the letters and the telegrams and to my complete satisfaction my father was an honorable man and made some very serious attempts to get his children out of comunism and get them a better life. This was done as he was in exile and trying to start a new life.
I will never know why my father never got into sports or even went to games or that type of thing. I kow times have changed but still. I can say though that he was the first one to call my ideas stupid when they were in fact stupid. He never got to involved but in the end he gave me values and a work ethic that has carried me thru so far with flying colors. He wasn't always the most diplomatic and his relationship with Julissa was very dificult during the first few years. He had his opinion, the wrong one, but it was his opinion and in true Garcia way it stuck until he was proven diffrently.
Like I said, the modren world never existed for him, so when I got dignosed with cancer it truly meant death for him. He listened to all the things doctors said and all the studies and what it all meant, but again in true Garcia fashion his opinion was made. Cancer = death. He was wrong but in the next 13 months he would slowly die inside eaten away from what was his belief. I have always believed that he died the day I was diagnosed, he just hung around to see if he was right or wrong or maybe to make sure I had every chance I needed. Regardless of their difrrences Julissa took over his care while I was in treatment and moved to Miami with my mom. Julissa would take him lunch to his office and would spend some time with him in the evenings. It took very little time before my father truly new how wrong he was about Julissa and from that point on Julissa was untouchable. She became unseprable from my father and I am sure he cared for her like a doughter. It never happened but I believe that if Julissa and me would have ended our relationship, the relationship between Julissa and my father would have continued probably till this day.
My father died February 14 in the early hours of the morning. He suffered a massive heart attack. I revived him three times. Each time his heart would start up it would be for shorter period of time. He died litteraly in my hands. We placed him on the bed and lit a candle. His expresion was very peacefull. I think of him every day!!! He would for sure call the Ironman a crazy idea. Probably the craziest according to him. He would for certain say I had my head screwed on backwards. Ironically he would think that way until he would arrive in Canada. As the event would unfold he would start understanding and even as he would never quite get the hang of it he would have been proud to see me cross the finish line. I missed a good part of my dad, I missed the part where we could talk some profound subjects and I could probaly share many things with him that I didn't get the chance. I would have probaly learned quite a few things from him. My father would have been crazy with his grandchildren and even as he would question the motivation for a sport like triathlon he would be there cheering for Jochi and Gaby at every event. His sport was baseball, but he would eventually catch on I know he would.
Having him around would have been perfect. Unfortunately that is how life works and how it is supposed to work. I dodn't think my fahter died of a heart condition, I think cancer killed him. My cancer, as he could not deal with the illness, the treatment, and his predetermined posible outcome. All that remains to say is that I miss my dad!!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I will go smiling, how will you go.
Cancer is life changing in many ways. You look at things difrently. Your tolerance changes and your expentancies are diffrent. I have been acused of wanting to live too fast, that is what my father said. I can not live fast enough is what I think. I have been acused of wanting to do it all, that is what my wife says. What am I living for then? I have been asked why I do certain things, that's what my mom is always saying. Can I wait to do anything? Finally I have been acused of being less than diplomatic. Diplomacy is, in an informal or social sense, diplomacy is the employment of tact to gain strategic advantage or to find mutually acceptable solutions to a common challenge, one set of tools being the phrasing of statements in a non-confrontational, or polite manner. Please think about it for a minute. One day I was happy returning to college and the next day I am in Florida getting tratment for a cancer that was kind enough to grow outward instead of inward into my brain. No sirs, excuse me and pardon me but I have no time for diplomacy. What it is, is what it is, and if it is blue, no diplomatic negotiation is going to change it to red. Any negotiation is a pure waste of time, and as I have learned time is the most precious gift in anyones life. So the presuption that diplomacy should be part of your life is pure and diplomatically named as BULL SHIT!!! How about you stand by your principles and defend your beliefs, how about doing the right thing just because it is what is right. How about placing your status, your money, and what other people might think aside so you can do what your heart and your principles tells you. How about being part of change, how about changing something because it satisfies your soul and not your pocket. How about it, believe me it is the best thing in the world.
Julissa has gone thru a lot with me and even without me. She has always been independent, a hard worker, a loyal friend, a magnificient wife and a superior mohter. I know all the stories, the ones she has told me and the ones she has't. In the end, and I hope some of the characters in thoose stories are reading, please know that it hurts, it hurts because when you are sick and posibly dying, you never know if the people you truly need will stick with you or will go somewhere away from you for whatever reason. It hurts when people go out of their way to tell your 18 year old girlfriend to get rid of you because you have cancer and you will die soon. Just leave, you don't need to go thru that. It hurts more when these are people you call friends, but it hurts even more when you call them family. What was the reason, what is behind the motivation to do a thing like that? I plead with all you reading to please don't ask. Please, we left that behind many years ago the last thing I want to do is revive ignorance. It is relevant because it shows just how vurnerable you become when face to face with cancer. However it did in fact happen with many so called friends and others. Diplomacy sure, here is a little bit of diplomacy and a little bit of 19 years of rage too. FUCK YOU!!! I am still here. There, some diplomacy for you.
The truth of matter is that Julissa stucck by and never left my side. She took care of my dad who was alone in PR while I got trated in Miami with my mom. Funny how life works, Julissa and my dad could bearly live in the same zip code before that. My father was tough and straight, no BS around him that's for sure. In the end Julissa and my dad built a relantionship that at least I never though remotely posible. You don't speak of my dad no where near Julissa, and when he was alive, you did not mess with Julissa no matter the subject. I am glad that when my father died things between them were that way. Julissa was the only thing I had to look forward and her support was unconditional. I wasn't always the best boyfriend or even the best husband, but I have always known that we are an unseparable team. Over time you kind of shift in life, like from hot to cold, but there are some things you are not willing to live without, for me Julissa is one of thoose things. We have gone thru many stages of marrige and other things, but the most important thing is that we have never wanted to be apart. Julissa has given up a lot. Things that you normally won't give up easily. One of those things is motherhood. If you think that is not important, think again. They say God acts in misterious ways, and he does. Julissa is the best mother I have ever seen. She knows she will never carry and give birth to her own child but instead God gave her the oportunity to change the life of ther kids who needed a mother of their own. Two kids that needed her in every way imaginable. Julissa knows everything about me as I have been with her half my life. I know everything about her. The things that Julissa has withstood all these years are enough for a best selling novel. It goes from my treatment to dozens and hundreds of ideas some good and others bordering stupid or crazy allong with many challenges. Julissa can ride a motorcycle and a horse, she has raced a real racing go kart, she has taken flying lessons, she has made cement mixes and carried a wheelborrow she has participated in illegal street racing and has also sat on the sideline at the race track for hours on end, she has laughed in the rain and cried thru sunshine. She has done some incredible things to support some incredibly stupid ideas I've had over the years. The truth is, that thru every moment of my life important or insignificant, happy or sad, stupid or worthy, Julissa has been there for me. Unconditionally stuck by me and suffered my illness the same way I did. I just can't imagine life without Julissa and I realy question if I wanted to be in it without her. I hope I go before she does, and I truly mean that. She desrves the world and everything in it as a loyal soul that I have the priviledge of calling my wife.
You will know very few people like Julissa in your lifetime, I guarantee you. Everyday someone tells me how they admire us and how we support our children etc. The truth is, I got involved in it with Jochi and Julissa as she has always done took point and made sure we were all right and made sure we had 100% of her support. She is my support team and our family support team. She is who makes it all happen 100% of the time.
At 41 I have done and seen things many will only dream of. I have done a bucket list that would last a lifetime for a few persons. I still have some ideas to realize including a few stupid ones like Everest and one or two other things I have laying around. In all, three items will always be the ones that define my life. In order "Mary a girl that will change my life for the good", "Have a doughter and spoil her rooten", and "have a son that I can share sports with". Who would know it was going to turn out like this.
Who you see in me, the person you know today, and all the hapiness I have lived and will ever have comes from one single source.......JULISSA!!!!!!
When you flirt with the other side you kind of wonder how will you arrive........ I will go smiling, how will you go!!!!!!!!
Julissa has gone thru a lot with me and even without me. She has always been independent, a hard worker, a loyal friend, a magnificient wife and a superior mohter. I know all the stories, the ones she has told me and the ones she has't. In the end, and I hope some of the characters in thoose stories are reading, please know that it hurts, it hurts because when you are sick and posibly dying, you never know if the people you truly need will stick with you or will go somewhere away from you for whatever reason. It hurts when people go out of their way to tell your 18 year old girlfriend to get rid of you because you have cancer and you will die soon. Just leave, you don't need to go thru that. It hurts more when these are people you call friends, but it hurts even more when you call them family. What was the reason, what is behind the motivation to do a thing like that? I plead with all you reading to please don't ask. Please, we left that behind many years ago the last thing I want to do is revive ignorance. It is relevant because it shows just how vurnerable you become when face to face with cancer. However it did in fact happen with many so called friends and others. Diplomacy sure, here is a little bit of diplomacy and a little bit of 19 years of rage too. FUCK YOU!!! I am still here. There, some diplomacy for you.
The truth of matter is that Julissa stucck by and never left my side. She took care of my dad who was alone in PR while I got trated in Miami with my mom. Funny how life works, Julissa and my dad could bearly live in the same zip code before that. My father was tough and straight, no BS around him that's for sure. In the end Julissa and my dad built a relantionship that at least I never though remotely posible. You don't speak of my dad no where near Julissa, and when he was alive, you did not mess with Julissa no matter the subject. I am glad that when my father died things between them were that way. Julissa was the only thing I had to look forward and her support was unconditional. I wasn't always the best boyfriend or even the best husband, but I have always known that we are an unseparable team. Over time you kind of shift in life, like from hot to cold, but there are some things you are not willing to live without, for me Julissa is one of thoose things. We have gone thru many stages of marrige and other things, but the most important thing is that we have never wanted to be apart. Julissa has given up a lot. Things that you normally won't give up easily. One of those things is motherhood. If you think that is not important, think again. They say God acts in misterious ways, and he does. Julissa is the best mother I have ever seen. She knows she will never carry and give birth to her own child but instead God gave her the oportunity to change the life of ther kids who needed a mother of their own. Two kids that needed her in every way imaginable. Julissa knows everything about me as I have been with her half my life. I know everything about her. The things that Julissa has withstood all these years are enough for a best selling novel. It goes from my treatment to dozens and hundreds of ideas some good and others bordering stupid or crazy allong with many challenges. Julissa can ride a motorcycle and a horse, she has raced a real racing go kart, she has taken flying lessons, she has made cement mixes and carried a wheelborrow she has participated in illegal street racing and has also sat on the sideline at the race track for hours on end, she has laughed in the rain and cried thru sunshine. She has done some incredible things to support some incredibly stupid ideas I've had over the years. The truth is, that thru every moment of my life important or insignificant, happy or sad, stupid or worthy, Julissa has been there for me. Unconditionally stuck by me and suffered my illness the same way I did. I just can't imagine life without Julissa and I realy question if I wanted to be in it without her. I hope I go before she does, and I truly mean that. She desrves the world and everything in it as a loyal soul that I have the priviledge of calling my wife.
You will know very few people like Julissa in your lifetime, I guarantee you. Everyday someone tells me how they admire us and how we support our children etc. The truth is, I got involved in it with Jochi and Julissa as she has always done took point and made sure we were all right and made sure we had 100% of her support. She is my support team and our family support team. She is who makes it all happen 100% of the time.
At 41 I have done and seen things many will only dream of. I have done a bucket list that would last a lifetime for a few persons. I still have some ideas to realize including a few stupid ones like Everest and one or two other things I have laying around. In all, three items will always be the ones that define my life. In order "Mary a girl that will change my life for the good", "Have a doughter and spoil her rooten", and "have a son that I can share sports with". Who would know it was going to turn out like this.
Who you see in me, the person you know today, and all the hapiness I have lived and will ever have comes from one single source.......JULISSA!!!!!!
When you flirt with the other side you kind of wonder how will you arrive........ I will go smiling, how will you go!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Oct. 19 2010. Stupidity took over and I paid the price!!!
I was very happy with my blog yesterday and all the people that read it. I could not be happier with what Team Jochi is getting done and I could not be prouder of my son and my litlle girl. I am proud of what I have acomplished to date and I am commited to working harder and getting better. How ecer there is always a story behind the story. I said yesterday I suffered thru the bike course and I sure did. The fact of the matter is that I could have died on that course. I know I will get lots of crap in the coming days for what you will shortly learn but the reality is that it is part of who I am and who I have always been. I recognize I was stupid about it but the most amazing thing is that if it wasn't for Jochi and Gabi I would probably do it again. I learned sunday what this sport was all about and I have to tell you that I want to be there to see Jochi and Gaby succed at it if that is their choice as it apparently is and I want to enjoy every minute of it with Julissa by my side.
19 years ago I heard people mostly family blame something for my cancer. To much fast food, to much Coke, to much TV, poor diet, not enough beer, to much beer, a hit in the head during the tournament I played days before and the list goes on and on. The truth is, who cared. I had it and it was there and all mine. What ever the reason for me it was not important. Most of my family would be shoked after this but the truth is yes, my diet was mostly fast food, and I drank 12-16 Cokes a day and since I was 15 smoked a pack of Malboro Lights every day (Yes, I smoked even thru chemotherapy and quit 4 years ago cold). Any, all or none could have been responsible but none of thoose are typical causes of a Rabdomiosarcoma in the orbit. So again who cared. After my tratment I was so sick of medicines, hospitals, Dr's and anything related I spent many years were it did not matter what I had I would not even take aspirin. I would go to my remision appointents with a return ticket for that same afternoon. To this day when I am asked if I have any allergies I always say the same thing. Yes, Chemotherapy!!! I am very allergic to that. I even wrote that on my road ID but ended up having some sense and deleted it. As time passed it is obvious that any normal human will get something. I would go to the eye doctor and they would say I had something in my eye and there was a problem. Realy, they just discovered america. I mean I know they don't know the story so they want to help and fix it. It's been tried before and guess what I am happy the way I am, I would say. I can see something out of it and that is 1000000% more than the expectation 19 years ago and it is my eye not plastic or cristal. The funniest of stories was when I was getting my medical exam for my pilots lisence. If you can't see you can not fly. I later learned that is not exactly true so I later got a real exam and got my lisence approved by the head medical examiner at the FAA. However for that first test I made it simple. I ask the doctor to start with my left eye and as I read the chart I memorized it. When it came time to the right eye I recited what I had memorized from my left eye. The result. Simple...... acoording to that test I had better vision thru my bad eye than from my good eye. That is the only reason I got cought!!!!
The point is simple I don't like anything medical and my attitude has always been that if cancer didn't kill me nothing simple is going to kill me either. That includes hypertension and high blood pressure. As I have gotten fatter and more inactive, eating anything as long as it hasn't been screwed with, meaning sugar free, fat free, etc. my blood pressure has become more of a problem. Family history does not help a bit either as both my father and my mother are severely hypertensive. My father had triple bypass and died from a massive heart attach. As I said preciously I believe from sorrow but Dr's have diffrent opinions. They are entitled I guess. I take 4 pills for my blood pressure each day. As I started training I went to see my Dr as any responsible person would. But me being me, I left disappointed and had my own agenda. As I have gotten training I have felt very good health wise and I have felt my blood pressure in total control. So much that last Monday as I ran out of my pills I stoped taking them. I said to myself, enough of this pill bull shit. I am training and eating well so I don't need this any more. I must say that Julissa as always had gotten my new refills but they sat there unused. She did not know. In my (stupid) defense, it took longer this time but I can now tell you that what I felt sunday morning was my blood pressure that was very, very, high. By the time I realized it, we were in transition and even if I had the pills with me they would have served no purpose after 6 days of not taking them. I know my body pretty well and I am seldom wrong about my blood pressure and I can bet it was 190-200/105-110. I figuered I would finish my race go home and take it easy and get back on them. No one would know and no need to worry anyone. As I was on the bike I had a pounding headache and I could feel my heart trying to get out of my chest. I had no air and I knew why and my HR would never come down and I also new why. I must say that finishing made me forget about it for a while. But during the race I knew just how stupid I had been.
I know my blood pressure was very high all sunday and I took my pills that afternoon. I woke up yesterday feeling my pressure thru the roof again and spend the whole day like that. However I felt I needed a little bit more stupidity so I went on a 2 mile run yesterday morning. I went home early because I knew I was a hospital candidate very soon after I got home. Fortunately by 6:00PM it had gone down and I was starting to feel better. Thank God. Truly it was the first time I realy felt it was dangerous. I think lots of changes are ocurring and that is certainly one of them. Maybe I should take this Ironman to change a litlle more than eating habbits and training. Perhaps I should give medicine an oportunity to do its thing and work towards what profetionals know and understand. What I did was really stupid and I understand that. I think, with in reason, I need to let my Dr. decide when I can do certain things and when not. Maybe there is space for a Dr. to take care of your health while you practice an "all go, no quits attitude" towards your goal. Maybe I will try that!!!
It was a lesson well learned. Thoose of you who really know me especially Julissa will know I will change. Honestly, I will change because the formula did not work, not because I changed my mind. I think I still don't want anything to do with a hospital!!! I will have to work on that!!! EVENTUALLY. That is who I became and that is who I am. I believe that is what will make me an Ironman or an obituary on Sunday's paper. Hopefully there is some reasoning in between and my kids, my wife, my familly and my cause are too important not ro reason the subject. Since stupidity took over and I paid the price, you have my word I will make an effort to change my way. I have all the support I need to do just that.
BTW, today I feel much better and the pressure is coming down. Hopefully by tomorrow I will be all normal again!!!
19 years ago I heard people mostly family blame something for my cancer. To much fast food, to much Coke, to much TV, poor diet, not enough beer, to much beer, a hit in the head during the tournament I played days before and the list goes on and on. The truth is, who cared. I had it and it was there and all mine. What ever the reason for me it was not important. Most of my family would be shoked after this but the truth is yes, my diet was mostly fast food, and I drank 12-16 Cokes a day and since I was 15 smoked a pack of Malboro Lights every day (Yes, I smoked even thru chemotherapy and quit 4 years ago cold). Any, all or none could have been responsible but none of thoose are typical causes of a Rabdomiosarcoma in the orbit. So again who cared. After my tratment I was so sick of medicines, hospitals, Dr's and anything related I spent many years were it did not matter what I had I would not even take aspirin. I would go to my remision appointents with a return ticket for that same afternoon. To this day when I am asked if I have any allergies I always say the same thing. Yes, Chemotherapy!!! I am very allergic to that. I even wrote that on my road ID but ended up having some sense and deleted it. As time passed it is obvious that any normal human will get something. I would go to the eye doctor and they would say I had something in my eye and there was a problem. Realy, they just discovered america. I mean I know they don't know the story so they want to help and fix it. It's been tried before and guess what I am happy the way I am, I would say. I can see something out of it and that is 1000000% more than the expectation 19 years ago and it is my eye not plastic or cristal. The funniest of stories was when I was getting my medical exam for my pilots lisence. If you can't see you can not fly. I later learned that is not exactly true so I later got a real exam and got my lisence approved by the head medical examiner at the FAA. However for that first test I made it simple. I ask the doctor to start with my left eye and as I read the chart I memorized it. When it came time to the right eye I recited what I had memorized from my left eye. The result. Simple...... acoording to that test I had better vision thru my bad eye than from my good eye. That is the only reason I got cought!!!!
The point is simple I don't like anything medical and my attitude has always been that if cancer didn't kill me nothing simple is going to kill me either. That includes hypertension and high blood pressure. As I have gotten fatter and more inactive, eating anything as long as it hasn't been screwed with, meaning sugar free, fat free, etc. my blood pressure has become more of a problem. Family history does not help a bit either as both my father and my mother are severely hypertensive. My father had triple bypass and died from a massive heart attach. As I said preciously I believe from sorrow but Dr's have diffrent opinions. They are entitled I guess. I take 4 pills for my blood pressure each day. As I started training I went to see my Dr as any responsible person would. But me being me, I left disappointed and had my own agenda. As I have gotten training I have felt very good health wise and I have felt my blood pressure in total control. So much that last Monday as I ran out of my pills I stoped taking them. I said to myself, enough of this pill bull shit. I am training and eating well so I don't need this any more. I must say that Julissa as always had gotten my new refills but they sat there unused. She did not know. In my (stupid) defense, it took longer this time but I can now tell you that what I felt sunday morning was my blood pressure that was very, very, high. By the time I realized it, we were in transition and even if I had the pills with me they would have served no purpose after 6 days of not taking them. I know my body pretty well and I am seldom wrong about my blood pressure and I can bet it was 190-200/105-110. I figuered I would finish my race go home and take it easy and get back on them. No one would know and no need to worry anyone. As I was on the bike I had a pounding headache and I could feel my heart trying to get out of my chest. I had no air and I knew why and my HR would never come down and I also new why. I must say that finishing made me forget about it for a while. But during the race I knew just how stupid I had been.
I know my blood pressure was very high all sunday and I took my pills that afternoon. I woke up yesterday feeling my pressure thru the roof again and spend the whole day like that. However I felt I needed a little bit more stupidity so I went on a 2 mile run yesterday morning. I went home early because I knew I was a hospital candidate very soon after I got home. Fortunately by 6:00PM it had gone down and I was starting to feel better. Thank God. Truly it was the first time I realy felt it was dangerous. I think lots of changes are ocurring and that is certainly one of them. Maybe I should take this Ironman to change a litlle more than eating habbits and training. Perhaps I should give medicine an oportunity to do its thing and work towards what profetionals know and understand. What I did was really stupid and I understand that. I think, with in reason, I need to let my Dr. decide when I can do certain things and when not. Maybe there is space for a Dr. to take care of your health while you practice an "all go, no quits attitude" towards your goal. Maybe I will try that!!!
It was a lesson well learned. Thoose of you who really know me especially Julissa will know I will change. Honestly, I will change because the formula did not work, not because I changed my mind. I think I still don't want anything to do with a hospital!!! I will have to work on that!!! EVENTUALLY. That is who I became and that is who I am. I believe that is what will make me an Ironman or an obituary on Sunday's paper. Hopefully there is some reasoning in between and my kids, my wife, my familly and my cause are too important not ro reason the subject. Since stupidity took over and I paid the price, you have my word I will make an effort to change my way. I have all the support I need to do just that.
BTW, today I feel much better and the pressure is coming down. Hopefully by tomorrow I will be all normal again!!!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Oct. 17 2010. You learn why it is so amazingly special.
Toay was tri day. Tri short for triathlon and try to try if you can actually do a triathlon. I can never explain whay triathlon is so special but as I learned today it is tons of times harder than what it looks like. I slept well last night, no worries and no nervousness. I was in total control. As I woke up this morning I knew I had made my first mistake. I felt slow, fat and bloded. I should have definately kept my regular diet instead of carbo loading. Upon reflexion, who was I kidding I have plenty to still go around. What was done was done. I had a feeling that today was going to be a good day just like the song says. It was an amazing day. The plan was simple I was going to finish my first triathlon no matter the time, and believe me folks short of breaking my neck I was going to finish this event even on my hands and knees. I had good company as my son Jochi would pace me the whole race and push me thru the dificult parts. The course was tough, it had some hills on a 3 mile out and back course so the hills had to be climed 4 times each. As I always do I dressed in Team Jochi colors and off we go to the transition. Folks today something incredible happened, I went to this triathlon as the simplest of steps to be reached on my way to the Ironman. It turned out to be life changing. As I arrived I soon realized I was not doing my first tri, Team Jochi was introducing a new member to the triathlon comunity and it was a huge event. Team Jochi and its purpose has come together in recognition from everyone at a mayor event!!! As I was being marked I knew I had already arrived in first place because my son had influenced hundreds!!!!!!
As we arrived at transition I was greeted by all the great volunteers at the entrance for bike check and marking. Jochi was greeted as royalty. Everyone knew him and Team Jochi was on everyones mouths. I could not believe what impact our efforts had on people. We set up and went to the starting line. I felt fine. It had been 6 weeks since I started training after almost 20 years of zero excercise. It felt good real good. No butterflys nothing I was just waiting to be released. The plan was to swim in 20-25 minutes so that I had plenty left for the bike and the run. I knew I could swim a lot faster but I also knew I had two other disciplines to finish. You must crawl before you can walk. We entered the water in the back spaces as not get into the mess and take it easy. In a few seconds I learned my first lesson. Probably half of the people that went all out at the start were falling back 200 mts into the race. In a short time there was no way to avoid a crowd of slowing people that were right in your way. It became very hard to keep a pace and settle in. As I take a look ahead for the marker I see a crowd around us then an open space about 50 mts ahead and then the lead pack. Jochi by my side and obviously looking strong, I mean he was waiting on his old man. I get his attention and say "lets make a pull for that hole and we can sttle there". Before long we are in the clear and starting to get a rythm. But not for long. It took only seconds to get surrounded by more swimers slowing down. By know we are on the first run on the beach in for the second lap. As I entered the water again I knew then I was in trouble. I could not control my breathing and I felt fine but I knew I was breathing to fast. As it turns out I had made my second mistake because I did not look at my watch to see what my time was on the first lap. I just gave it I was a slow guy!!! We kept on going but I made every effort posible to get control. As we turned home for the last time I slowed down as I had planned but even as all my training in breathing out of both sides was working to perfection I found my self with sloppy form and breathing every stroke. We reached the beach and started our run to T1. The time?? 15:23, a super time in the water but it was just too fast. If I would have checked my watch I would have noticed it on the first lap, but I didn't and now it was time to deal with the problem. My heart rate was very high and I was very winded for that first hill right after mounting on the bike. I arrived at T1 as Jochi encouraged me, I was dying but I was happy, having him by my side gave me all the confidence I needed. He would not see me quit, no way on earth. However as we ran out to the bike course I told him I had to take it easy for a moment and that I was very winded and high on my heart rate. We finally mount and head out on the bike. I felt strong but no air. I climed that first hill with pure power only as I was breathing as hard as I could. It took the first whole lap to get some sense of control over my breathing and my heart rate. I kept on drinking as planned and I must say I suffered thru the rest of the course. I knew I was not fast but I was giving evrything I humanly could and that was good enough for me. I was happy. I felt my pressure skyrocket as I got a huge headahce but who cared I kept going. As I was on that bike course I felt miserable phisically but at the same time the most magnificent thing was evolving all around me, and I realized what made this so great.
I learned a while back that young people have a potential that most people will never allow them to fully develop. I have a little friend who all of you know by now. Winter Vineki is 12 years old and at that age has tought my whole family what young people can really do. Jochi and Winter have become friends and slowly but truly Jochi has been learning from Winter. Quietly, as I learned today. See Winter influences people anywhere she goes. Her smile and personality is just so contagious, and all you need is a minute of your time and you will be hooked permanetly. She influences thru her charity, Team Winter and she is the focus of that name and that effort. But wait, not for a second think this is just a cute a little girl. NO, NO, NO, this a champion triathlete, marathoner, and downhill skier. It is a remarkable story. We had been looking up to Winter for a while know and working hard to help Jochi and Team Jochi do the same good that Team Winter does nationaly, here locally, and with an impact on society. Today as we rode that bike course I was constantly hearing and listening to what we had done. As we went out and back 4 times almost all the riders recognized Team Jochi and Jochi. They are constantly yelling "go Jochi, go" and all his Ironman friends go by and offer their draft and their help for Team Jochi to get up to the front. They recognized Jochi's plan for the race as his stuck with me at a very slow pace and soon people cought on. Soon as we rode by all of the volunteers and almost all the police force blocking the street had something to say to Jochi as we passed by. At one point I was like, wait a minute is there a race going on or is this a Team Jochi event". I guess police and spectators would ask the volunteers what Jochi was about and by lap 4 they all knew. It was a magical moment. I felt so honored and happy that finally the triathlon comunity in PR has a way to impact lives that need help and that they can do that thru Team Jochi and Jochi. My son, can ask for more.
So, we arrive at dismount and run over to T2. I sit on the floor to get my socks on which at that point insulted Jochi, but that's fine he was pushing his old man, and that is welcomed. We head out to the run and believe it or not I was able to get in control while on the bike, obviously at the expense of going slow but who cared I just wanted to finish. I felt tired but pretty good. As we head out about 400 mts into the run it happened. My back!!! It just could not take the pounding any more. I knew I was not hurt but my core strength is not there so I got tight really fast. A few meters after that I found myself walking. I felt I was done. Not done with the tri I would finish no matter what. I was done running. I asked Jochi to walk with me to the top of the hill and as we got there I told him to take off and run the rest of his race and have fun. I told him people wanted to see him race and he should give them that priviledge. Off like the wind he went not before asking for assurance that I would be fine. As he disappeared into the curve I stoped and got on the floor to strech out. I did not want him to see me do this because then he would never leave me there. I was in pain but I knew I had to keep moving. The pain would come and go so I knew it was a matter of keeping it under control. I ran and walked as I could until I reached the turn around. My frame of mind then was already diffrent. I have to tell you I was mad, no mad is wrong, after all this is my blog. I was pissed every time someone passed me. This was the end of the racers as we know it and I knew I was faster than most of the ones passing me. My competitive spirit was in rage. If I could just get my back in order. Remember toose 19 years of rage I need to get rid of. Well here was an oportunity to dump some of it. As I headed back I ran longer and walked shorter. Here comes my third mistake. Ok I will run faster for shorter periods and gain more ground as I do that. Right!! Wrong!!! A cramp, and a big one too, on my right quadracept muscle. Now I am in real trouble. I grabbed the first post I found and did not hesitate for a second and pulled it as hard as I could. It worked, cramp gone for now but I was tender so any big effort and it would be back. By now I am about 300 mts from the top of the hill to start my way down to the last water table and then on to the finish line. As I reached the top of the hill it was time to run. I made up my mind, no more stopping, period. Off I went and down the hill I ran. I was greeted about 1/4 mile from the water table by an already finisher Jochi who came back to make sure I finished in one piece. As we run by a group of police one of them steps out to the road and says to me, "you are an example to many parents, go Team Jochi". I could not believe it!!! I went down for my drink turned around and up we go one last time into the park for the finish line. I am meet by a socond finisher and a good friend who has been supporting Team Jochi from day 1 unconditionally. She is the owner of VIP Gym where Jochi, Gabi and soon me train. Mary jo you are the baest. An avid marathoner she came back to help me finish. As I crossed the bridge it all came together. Is it possible? Did I really do this? Can it be done? I mean can you really influence people and make a diffrence by being part of something much bigger even if the leaders are a young lady 12 years old and a teenager 13 years old? Do people even care why you do this? Is my story at all relevant? The answer, ABSOLUTELY!!!
I crossed the finish line in tears of joy and rejuvination. I had the best feeling in the world as I learned why it is so amazingly special!!!!!
I want to thank all the participants, volunteers, police, and organizers of the San Juan Triathlon. It was an event to remember. To all our friends and all of you yelling GO JOCHI we were listening and we will be in full force in the events to come. We thank you from our hearts for your friendship and your support. See you next week in Arroyo!!!!!
As we arrived at transition I was greeted by all the great volunteers at the entrance for bike check and marking. Jochi was greeted as royalty. Everyone knew him and Team Jochi was on everyones mouths. I could not believe what impact our efforts had on people. We set up and went to the starting line. I felt fine. It had been 6 weeks since I started training after almost 20 years of zero excercise. It felt good real good. No butterflys nothing I was just waiting to be released. The plan was to swim in 20-25 minutes so that I had plenty left for the bike and the run. I knew I could swim a lot faster but I also knew I had two other disciplines to finish. You must crawl before you can walk. We entered the water in the back spaces as not get into the mess and take it easy. In a few seconds I learned my first lesson. Probably half of the people that went all out at the start were falling back 200 mts into the race. In a short time there was no way to avoid a crowd of slowing people that were right in your way. It became very hard to keep a pace and settle in. As I take a look ahead for the marker I see a crowd around us then an open space about 50 mts ahead and then the lead pack. Jochi by my side and obviously looking strong, I mean he was waiting on his old man. I get his attention and say "lets make a pull for that hole and we can sttle there". Before long we are in the clear and starting to get a rythm. But not for long. It took only seconds to get surrounded by more swimers slowing down. By know we are on the first run on the beach in for the second lap. As I entered the water again I knew then I was in trouble. I could not control my breathing and I felt fine but I knew I was breathing to fast. As it turns out I had made my second mistake because I did not look at my watch to see what my time was on the first lap. I just gave it I was a slow guy!!! We kept on going but I made every effort posible to get control. As we turned home for the last time I slowed down as I had planned but even as all my training in breathing out of both sides was working to perfection I found my self with sloppy form and breathing every stroke. We reached the beach and started our run to T1. The time?? 15:23, a super time in the water but it was just too fast. If I would have checked my watch I would have noticed it on the first lap, but I didn't and now it was time to deal with the problem. My heart rate was very high and I was very winded for that first hill right after mounting on the bike. I arrived at T1 as Jochi encouraged me, I was dying but I was happy, having him by my side gave me all the confidence I needed. He would not see me quit, no way on earth. However as we ran out to the bike course I told him I had to take it easy for a moment and that I was very winded and high on my heart rate. We finally mount and head out on the bike. I felt strong but no air. I climed that first hill with pure power only as I was breathing as hard as I could. It took the first whole lap to get some sense of control over my breathing and my heart rate. I kept on drinking as planned and I must say I suffered thru the rest of the course. I knew I was not fast but I was giving evrything I humanly could and that was good enough for me. I was happy. I felt my pressure skyrocket as I got a huge headahce but who cared I kept going. As I was on that bike course I felt miserable phisically but at the same time the most magnificent thing was evolving all around me, and I realized what made this so great.
I learned a while back that young people have a potential that most people will never allow them to fully develop. I have a little friend who all of you know by now. Winter Vineki is 12 years old and at that age has tought my whole family what young people can really do. Jochi and Winter have become friends and slowly but truly Jochi has been learning from Winter. Quietly, as I learned today. See Winter influences people anywhere she goes. Her smile and personality is just so contagious, and all you need is a minute of your time and you will be hooked permanetly. She influences thru her charity, Team Winter and she is the focus of that name and that effort. But wait, not for a second think this is just a cute a little girl. NO, NO, NO, this a champion triathlete, marathoner, and downhill skier. It is a remarkable story. We had been looking up to Winter for a while know and working hard to help Jochi and Team Jochi do the same good that Team Winter does nationaly, here locally, and with an impact on society. Today as we rode that bike course I was constantly hearing and listening to what we had done. As we went out and back 4 times almost all the riders recognized Team Jochi and Jochi. They are constantly yelling "go Jochi, go" and all his Ironman friends go by and offer their draft and their help for Team Jochi to get up to the front. They recognized Jochi's plan for the race as his stuck with me at a very slow pace and soon people cought on. Soon as we rode by all of the volunteers and almost all the police force blocking the street had something to say to Jochi as we passed by. At one point I was like, wait a minute is there a race going on or is this a Team Jochi event". I guess police and spectators would ask the volunteers what Jochi was about and by lap 4 they all knew. It was a magical moment. I felt so honored and happy that finally the triathlon comunity in PR has a way to impact lives that need help and that they can do that thru Team Jochi and Jochi. My son, can ask for more.
So, we arrive at dismount and run over to T2. I sit on the floor to get my socks on which at that point insulted Jochi, but that's fine he was pushing his old man, and that is welcomed. We head out to the run and believe it or not I was able to get in control while on the bike, obviously at the expense of going slow but who cared I just wanted to finish. I felt tired but pretty good. As we head out about 400 mts into the run it happened. My back!!! It just could not take the pounding any more. I knew I was not hurt but my core strength is not there so I got tight really fast. A few meters after that I found myself walking. I felt I was done. Not done with the tri I would finish no matter what. I was done running. I asked Jochi to walk with me to the top of the hill and as we got there I told him to take off and run the rest of his race and have fun. I told him people wanted to see him race and he should give them that priviledge. Off like the wind he went not before asking for assurance that I would be fine. As he disappeared into the curve I stoped and got on the floor to strech out. I did not want him to see me do this because then he would never leave me there. I was in pain but I knew I had to keep moving. The pain would come and go so I knew it was a matter of keeping it under control. I ran and walked as I could until I reached the turn around. My frame of mind then was already diffrent. I have to tell you I was mad, no mad is wrong, after all this is my blog. I was pissed every time someone passed me. This was the end of the racers as we know it and I knew I was faster than most of the ones passing me. My competitive spirit was in rage. If I could just get my back in order. Remember toose 19 years of rage I need to get rid of. Well here was an oportunity to dump some of it. As I headed back I ran longer and walked shorter. Here comes my third mistake. Ok I will run faster for shorter periods and gain more ground as I do that. Right!! Wrong!!! A cramp, and a big one too, on my right quadracept muscle. Now I am in real trouble. I grabbed the first post I found and did not hesitate for a second and pulled it as hard as I could. It worked, cramp gone for now but I was tender so any big effort and it would be back. By now I am about 300 mts from the top of the hill to start my way down to the last water table and then on to the finish line. As I reached the top of the hill it was time to run. I made up my mind, no more stopping, period. Off I went and down the hill I ran. I was greeted about 1/4 mile from the water table by an already finisher Jochi who came back to make sure I finished in one piece. As we run by a group of police one of them steps out to the road and says to me, "you are an example to many parents, go Team Jochi". I could not believe it!!! I went down for my drink turned around and up we go one last time into the park for the finish line. I am meet by a socond finisher and a good friend who has been supporting Team Jochi from day 1 unconditionally. She is the owner of VIP Gym where Jochi, Gabi and soon me train. Mary jo you are the baest. An avid marathoner she came back to help me finish. As I crossed the bridge it all came together. Is it possible? Did I really do this? Can it be done? I mean can you really influence people and make a diffrence by being part of something much bigger even if the leaders are a young lady 12 years old and a teenager 13 years old? Do people even care why you do this? Is my story at all relevant? The answer, ABSOLUTELY!!!
I crossed the finish line in tears of joy and rejuvination. I had the best feeling in the world as I learned why it is so amazingly special!!!!!
I want to thank all the participants, volunteers, police, and organizers of the San Juan Triathlon. It was an event to remember. To all our friends and all of you yelling GO JOCHI we were listening and we will be in full force in the events to come. We thank you from our hearts for your friendship and your support. See you next week in Arroyo!!!!!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Oct. 13, 2010 Once a Pro you are always a Pro
Ironically I learned that this past two days. I am not happy about it because the trade at which I a a pro at is as sad as it is despicable. In one of my first posts I talked about what happens to you when you are on chemo and you throw up everything you eat or drink. You actually become a pro at throwing up. Yes a pro, which means profetional. Rookies mess up all the bathroom, pros sink it in the bowl no mess, rookies are cought by surprise, pros can hold it for hours, and finally and most importantly rookies don't have a clue it is coming, while pros know it will come even before it is eaten o drank. It has been a long time ago since I had to use thoose skills other than maybe an ocasional episode as any normal person. But monday was a diffrent story. I went to lunch and had my usual diet plan. Grilled chiken and 1/2 baked potato. By 5:00PM I knew I was sick. I was holding what was inevitable just like a pro would. I had done this many times. As I sat thru traffic I had memories of the days down 836 in Miami on my way home. I have never thrown up on the car and I wasn't about to start monday. As I got home I did what was inevitable once, then twice, and then many more times. I started getting that awfull feeling again, that feeling were all you do is lie there waiting for it to happen again and again. I tried some 7 up and then water but I was in serious trouble nothing was holding my body had shut down and I was not taking in anything. I though I would never say those words but I asked Julissa to get me a Sunkist. Yes a Sunkist the same drink I get nousios from seen in the display window but like I said once a Pro always a Pro. Julissa startd crying at the request so I left it alone. As the night passed I got severely dehydrated and had to go to the hospital. It took 4 bags of fluid to get me back in shape and 1 whole day in bed. It is wierd what people can get used to. By the way it took percoset injection to aliviate the pain in my joints from the dehydration.
My mother was always watching what I was eating and we always came to the same concluttion. Why bother if it is coming out anyway. I remember asking for pizza right after the worse episodes and she will always tell me that I was crazy. Crazy or not I never threw up pizza. I lost 4 pounds in one day which in the overall picture is not bad at all. I ate a light breakfast as my body started to asimilate food and drink once again. Honestly by lunch time I was tired of the sissy I am sick deal so I did what pros do. Go for it. I lost 4 pounds in a day so I can endulge myself. I went for a Hamburger with fries. It is now 3:26 and I am doing just fine. So just like in the old days you fight fire with fire. There are many things you get acostumed to in life. I wish throwing up was not one of them but I am indeed a Pro at it and once a Pro unfortunately always a Pro. Tomorrow is back to training!!!
BTW I no longer have a 4 as my second digit in my weight. 238 as off this morning.
My mother was always watching what I was eating and we always came to the same concluttion. Why bother if it is coming out anyway. I remember asking for pizza right after the worse episodes and she will always tell me that I was crazy. Crazy or not I never threw up pizza. I lost 4 pounds in one day which in the overall picture is not bad at all. I ate a light breakfast as my body started to asimilate food and drink once again. Honestly by lunch time I was tired of the sissy I am sick deal so I did what pros do. Go for it. I lost 4 pounds in a day so I can endulge myself. I went for a Hamburger with fries. It is now 3:26 and I am doing just fine. So just like in the old days you fight fire with fire. There are many things you get acostumed to in life. I wish throwing up was not one of them but I am indeed a Pro at it and once a Pro unfortunately always a Pro. Tomorrow is back to training!!!
BTW I no longer have a 4 as my second digit in my weight. 238 as off this morning.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Oct. 11, 2010 Remember to smile :):):):):)
It was March, 1992, I was an avid Front tenis player and as faith will have it, history will repeat it self. Days before I found my eyesight had been damaged I was playing a tournament at the big five club in Miami. It was an annual event with us going to miami in the fall and Miami going to PR in the spring. It had been going on for many years and it was one of the big deals for both clubs. March 1992 I get my first 3 week rest from chemo. Needless to say I was on the first flight back to PR and at home with my family and life long friends. As it turned out the Miami- PR tournament was going on. I will never forget the feeling of walking into that club and everyone staring at you. I was bold as a cue ball and very clumsy due to some of the drugs I was taking. I didn't care, I didn't care at all. These people for the most part I have known since birth, they were all mostly family. I know it shocked them to see me that way but I was ok with it, in the end I was shocked to see me in the mirror too. People rected difrently, some were extra nice, some were sorry, and others just did not want to look or see me that way. It was ok I understood completely, after all I didn't want to see anyone with cancer either, and I felt sorry for some of them, and was even extra nice to others. So in all It was ok, for me it was my back yard and I was with family. Looking that way was my world and I had no shme, everyone new what I was going thru. Despite this kind of hard reality I was smiling inside. Come on this was liberty. I felt really good, no vomiting, no medicine, no neddles, and even better I was not confined to a room or a bed. For me it was paradise. Later that week I went on a boat out to the Virgin Islands and spent a week there with real good friend and his family and of course Julissa which never left my side. Moises is younger than I am and his father was one of those that could not bear to see me the way I was. Unfortunately they also had their story with cancer. Moises Sr. and his wife Silvia will always take me on boat trips and although this one would be a hard one for them it was no execption. It realy felt like me again and Moises was till this day the only friend I had that never gave me special tratment because of my illness. He stayed true to his friendship and we were buddies just as before and just as after. I never told him but that was a special thing for me then and now. Actually the only pictures that were ever taken of me with cancer outside my family circle are from that trip and I still keep them. I went to on that same trip many times even as a grown up in my own boat. But I will never forget that trip. Moises was the best man at my weding with Julissa and he is still my dear friend. We don't talk all the time but are somehow regularly in touch and from time to time share some laughs with him being mostly a victim of my pranks and practical jokes. In the end it is a friendship that would last very long.
All that time was like a stage had been completed. I was that much closer to finishing my treatment and going home permanently so I was smiling inside and out. I remember I was just smiling. Yesterday I also completed a stage. A big one too. I ran my first 5K and finished smiling. Yes smiling. I was nervous as I had never ran a 5K before. I felt really good all race long and although it was dificult because of all the walkers I kept my pace and pressed on for the whole 5K. The last 800 meters were tourture as my heart rate was really going up and my body was yelling for me to stop. But I didn't. Not a chance. I finished running and as I arrived at the finish line all I could do was smile. Smile, smile, and smile. It was ahuge hurdle, it proved I am getting better and on my way to the Ironman. The thing is that I just did not smile at the finish line, I was actualy smiling all the way back from the turn around. It was that feeling that you know you will make it. I was thinking about my race and I was certainly thinking of what that race meant in my journey to the Ironman. With about 1 mile to go I spoted my mom on the sidewalk on the other side of the road watching the race and I just had a very clear reflection of what the ironman will be. I ran acros the road to where she was sitting, gave her a kiss and told her to look forward to seen me at the finish of Ironman Canada. Yesterday I realized why I am training so hard. I know exactly why I am doing this event but you can do it in many ways and finish in a variety of conditions. For me it will never be about my time or my place it will always be about finishing with a smile from ear to ear. So....as I crossed the finish line yesterday those magical words came to mind, "REMENBER TO SMILE" and I did.
How much?? Ok I know some of you will need to know. So here it is. I ran a 5K in 36:58:00. Acutally I was faster in mile 3 than in mile 1 and 2 which would most likely explain why my heart rate was so high. At 243lbs and two decades of inactivity I think that would probably be a very good time. Sunday is my first triathlon ever. I swam the course today....No problem.?????
All that time was like a stage had been completed. I was that much closer to finishing my treatment and going home permanently so I was smiling inside and out. I remember I was just smiling. Yesterday I also completed a stage. A big one too. I ran my first 5K and finished smiling. Yes smiling. I was nervous as I had never ran a 5K before. I felt really good all race long and although it was dificult because of all the walkers I kept my pace and pressed on for the whole 5K. The last 800 meters were tourture as my heart rate was really going up and my body was yelling for me to stop. But I didn't. Not a chance. I finished running and as I arrived at the finish line all I could do was smile. Smile, smile, and smile. It was ahuge hurdle, it proved I am getting better and on my way to the Ironman. The thing is that I just did not smile at the finish line, I was actualy smiling all the way back from the turn around. It was that feeling that you know you will make it. I was thinking about my race and I was certainly thinking of what that race meant in my journey to the Ironman. With about 1 mile to go I spoted my mom on the sidewalk on the other side of the road watching the race and I just had a very clear reflection of what the ironman will be. I ran acros the road to where she was sitting, gave her a kiss and told her to look forward to seen me at the finish of Ironman Canada. Yesterday I realized why I am training so hard. I know exactly why I am doing this event but you can do it in many ways and finish in a variety of conditions. For me it will never be about my time or my place it will always be about finishing with a smile from ear to ear. So....as I crossed the finish line yesterday those magical words came to mind, "REMENBER TO SMILE" and I did.
How much?? Ok I know some of you will need to know. So here it is. I ran a 5K in 36:58:00. Acutally I was faster in mile 3 than in mile 1 and 2 which would most likely explain why my heart rate was so high. At 243lbs and two decades of inactivity I think that would probably be a very good time. Sunday is my first triathlon ever. I swam the course today....No problem.?????
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Oct. 10, 2010 You learn as you go!!
I have not blogged for a few days and for a good reason. Last weekend was the culmination of lots of training for my kids. Jochi and Gaby came out of Ironkids as champions along with coach K who has become part of our family and has helped our kids live some of their dreams and look ahead to the future. I never expected to be recognized for much in life. Lets just say I had lost faith in society. I am now thinking I was wrong. I had blocked cancer for many years and now I am starting to fell how wrong I was. I am learning what I can do and how I can influence.
Last weekend I had a meeting and dinner with Dawn, WInters mom and the whole family. I had some moments with Dawn where we spoke about some profound issues regarding this deadly desease and how it affects family and friends. Ironicaly we did this as we saw the Susan G Komen race go by. I feel fortunate to heve her trust to talk about things like that. I took the oportunity to ask Dawn if she had crossed the finish line with a survivor before. Her answer was no. I was glad I could probably have that oportunity to be the first one, although I would not mind at all if she has a similar oportunity before IronMan Canada. As I get to know the family and her better I realize how real and how human these folks really are. Today I know that for Dawn to walk thru a finish line with a survivor will be very emotional but will eventually bring some added meaning to her conviction of helping Winter make a diffrence. She will know, no, that is wrong, she already knows that cancer is survivable, I should say, she will feel the precence of surviving cancer and then go on and do something amazing like finishing an IronMan race. It will be such a priviledge to be the one. I know my little friend Winter is also paying atention. She mentioned my efforts in her award speech which touched our whole family. Winter has such carisma that Prostate Cancer can never ask for a better spokesperson in the world. She is a true role model and a true champion with the heart of a kid. I know she was happy with what I was doing and I am very happy to be involved with her Team and her family.
I have lost a lot of valuable time. Today I know that. I should have done something before to help others or help create awareness. I am know ready to do just that and make up some time. Lots of people are looking at me and supporting me. I have to take advantage of that and that is why I am training so hard. You know I changed from wanting to just finish to I wish I could make it in 8 hours like the pros. I know it will not happen at least this year but thinking that way will for sure allow me to train harder and better. Following that spirit I went out for my 50 mile bike ride yesterday. I rode stricktly by heart rate and kept it aerobic the whole ride so I could finish. I was decided and kept my word. The end numbers were 3:19:00 on the bike and 50.01 miles. Actually I felt pretty good except for that saddle. After 2 hours it was tourture, and that made my back ache some in the last 6 miles. I have to say the last 10 miles were the hardest but in the end that is what I left out to do and I was very happy. I will try not to increase that distance or time for a while. I have time to go further. I will take this mile stone to make it better. I will try faster paces and faster times and I think I can now start climbing. Somehow I will start at least once a week to climb. I will need it eventually. The way I see it I can now bike half the course in 3 and a half hours. That puts me in T2 in 7 hours which gives me 8 hours for the marathon plus whatever I can shave from the swim. However this is flat biking and I am asuming a 14.5MPH average which would be confortable for me. That means to keep this in that order I need to climb at a steady pace and I need to be quicker in the down hill part of the course and the flat spots. In the end I feel very good about it.
It has taken some time to learn the ins and out of how you can really infuence people. I have learned that from Winter and her Team. The role of being "point" in the effort is much better played by Winter, but today I know exactly how I can make a diffrence for others and have lots of more survivors. I knew the Ironman would be a learning experience. It has tought me that I knew very little about making a diffrence and that even being a cancer veteran and survivor, it will take some time for me to learn how it is that you make a real diffrence. It is really a "learn as you go" process. There is an old saying that goes "God does not give you anything he does not want you to use". God gave Winter the carisma she needs to make a difrence, he gave me some atributes also, Winter has learned to use hers I am in the process of learning how to use mine.
Last weekend I had a meeting and dinner with Dawn, WInters mom and the whole family. I had some moments with Dawn where we spoke about some profound issues regarding this deadly desease and how it affects family and friends. Ironicaly we did this as we saw the Susan G Komen race go by. I feel fortunate to heve her trust to talk about things like that. I took the oportunity to ask Dawn if she had crossed the finish line with a survivor before. Her answer was no. I was glad I could probably have that oportunity to be the first one, although I would not mind at all if she has a similar oportunity before IronMan Canada. As I get to know the family and her better I realize how real and how human these folks really are. Today I know that for Dawn to walk thru a finish line with a survivor will be very emotional but will eventually bring some added meaning to her conviction of helping Winter make a diffrence. She will know, no, that is wrong, she already knows that cancer is survivable, I should say, she will feel the precence of surviving cancer and then go on and do something amazing like finishing an IronMan race. It will be such a priviledge to be the one. I know my little friend Winter is also paying atention. She mentioned my efforts in her award speech which touched our whole family. Winter has such carisma that Prostate Cancer can never ask for a better spokesperson in the world. She is a true role model and a true champion with the heart of a kid. I know she was happy with what I was doing and I am very happy to be involved with her Team and her family.
I have lost a lot of valuable time. Today I know that. I should have done something before to help others or help create awareness. I am know ready to do just that and make up some time. Lots of people are looking at me and supporting me. I have to take advantage of that and that is why I am training so hard. You know I changed from wanting to just finish to I wish I could make it in 8 hours like the pros. I know it will not happen at least this year but thinking that way will for sure allow me to train harder and better. Following that spirit I went out for my 50 mile bike ride yesterday. I rode stricktly by heart rate and kept it aerobic the whole ride so I could finish. I was decided and kept my word. The end numbers were 3:19:00 on the bike and 50.01 miles. Actually I felt pretty good except for that saddle. After 2 hours it was tourture, and that made my back ache some in the last 6 miles. I have to say the last 10 miles were the hardest but in the end that is what I left out to do and I was very happy. I will try not to increase that distance or time for a while. I have time to go further. I will take this mile stone to make it better. I will try faster paces and faster times and I think I can now start climbing. Somehow I will start at least once a week to climb. I will need it eventually. The way I see it I can now bike half the course in 3 and a half hours. That puts me in T2 in 7 hours which gives me 8 hours for the marathon plus whatever I can shave from the swim. However this is flat biking and I am asuming a 14.5MPH average which would be confortable for me. That means to keep this in that order I need to climb at a steady pace and I need to be quicker in the down hill part of the course and the flat spots. In the end I feel very good about it.
It has taken some time to learn the ins and out of how you can really infuence people. I have learned that from Winter and her Team. The role of being "point" in the effort is much better played by Winter, but today I know exactly how I can make a diffrence for others and have lots of more survivors. I knew the Ironman would be a learning experience. It has tought me that I knew very little about making a diffrence and that even being a cancer veteran and survivor, it will take some time for me to learn how it is that you make a real diffrence. It is really a "learn as you go" process. There is an old saying that goes "God does not give you anything he does not want you to use". God gave Winter the carisma she needs to make a difrence, he gave me some atributes also, Winter has learned to use hers I am in the process of learning how to use mine.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Oct. 5, 2010 There is always a first.
I am back form my kids competitions at the Ironkids National Championships. We had a super time and many new and good things are coming soon. Jochi and Gabi did terrific and Jochi was awarded the Team Winter award. What an honor. I am so proud I can barely contain my self. This little girl and her family is so remarkable it is hard to get away from. Winter beat Jochi at the Nationals so he will not be hearing the last of that issue for a while but it is all in good fun. Jochi and Winter are becoming friends and that is something I am very happy about.
Saturday morning I met with Dawn who is the mother of Winter and who I will be racing the Ironman Canada with. We talked about some plans and other stuff for a good two hours as we saw the Susan G. komen race for the cure go by. I won't discuss the specifics of my conversation but I will say that my apreciation of what this family is all about is right on. Cancer is the same no matter where you live or who you are and destroys in the same way. I did confirm that Dawn has not crossed the finish line with a Cancer survivor yet so I hope I can be the first. I would be so honored and so proud as will my whole family. I choose right no question.
After a whole weekend of misbehaving I gained three pounds. I think coach K is mainly responsible but we will let him by this time. I am glad Coach K will oficially join Team Winter for Ironman Canada. I got back to training hard. I swam my assigned workout and for the first time ran after my swim. I started out a little fast and ended up hurting me in the end but I am getting better. Yesterday I did my bike ride and went thru the course that I Will have to do for the Oct 17 triathlon. My first. I think I will be fine. I had to cut my ride short yesterday because I left my water botttles home and as usual left with no money. I am training what do I need money for?? Well, water is the correct answer.
For the first time I was able to go run for 30 minutes after swiming. I had to stop because of a bad judgement call on the pace. I will learn from that but for me completing my run was a big step and a first. Even in the Ironman there is a first time for everything and I can now run after swiming. That is another huge step in the right direction.
Saturday morning I met with Dawn who is the mother of Winter and who I will be racing the Ironman Canada with. We talked about some plans and other stuff for a good two hours as we saw the Susan G. komen race for the cure go by. I won't discuss the specifics of my conversation but I will say that my apreciation of what this family is all about is right on. Cancer is the same no matter where you live or who you are and destroys in the same way. I did confirm that Dawn has not crossed the finish line with a Cancer survivor yet so I hope I can be the first. I would be so honored and so proud as will my whole family. I choose right no question.
After a whole weekend of misbehaving I gained three pounds. I think coach K is mainly responsible but we will let him by this time. I am glad Coach K will oficially join Team Winter for Ironman Canada. I got back to training hard. I swam my assigned workout and for the first time ran after my swim. I started out a little fast and ended up hurting me in the end but I am getting better. Yesterday I did my bike ride and went thru the course that I Will have to do for the Oct 17 triathlon. My first. I think I will be fine. I had to cut my ride short yesterday because I left my water botttles home and as usual left with no money. I am training what do I need money for?? Well, water is the correct answer.
For the first time I was able to go run for 30 minutes after swiming. I had to stop because of a bad judgement call on the pace. I will learn from that but for me completing my run was a big step and a first. Even in the Ironman there is a first time for everything and I can now run after swiming. That is another huge step in the right direction.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sept. 29, 2010 There is always someone having a harder time than you
During the past few days I've had to deal with some bad situations. I won't elaborate since they have nothing to do with my training. These situations are sometimes so stressful that you kind of feel like the whole world is ending before your very eyes. Well as it turns out that is probably the only thing positive about having dealt with cancer.
In Oct. 1991 after my 8 days after my first chemo treatment I developed a fever and had to be admitted to the hospital. What happens is that chemo kills your inmune system and becomes very fragile to infection. It requeres agresive treatment with antibiotics in the hospital for a few days. As I arrived I recieved kind of a royal tratment. It was about 9:00pm and I had people waiting for me at the lobby. They new my name and after a few papers I was told where to go and that my room was ready. Wierd!!! This must be a rich & famous hospital or I am dreaming. Not quite, as I arrived to my floor and walked the hall I realized where I was and why the diligence. In burden worda they all know how screwed up you feel and want to get you to your room ASAP. In more medical terms they all know how fragile you are and the concequences of an infection or bacteria that you would net be able to fight. All the patients there had cancer, period. Some better as me and some worse but every single person there had the "monster". It was evident too. You could see people with no hair walking uncovered and most impacting the protesis of thoose who had been amputated because of their tumors. During that stay I met a few people that eventually touched my heart. One was a built up young man about 18 or so and another was a Haitian girl who was about 16 at the time. They both had a comon cancer that attacked young people in their femur bone and many are amputated. I talked quite a bit with that young man as we visited each other and gave support. More from him to me than the other way around. He was a 10 month veteran of treatment. This guy was so positive it was contagious and although I have quite a bit to tell about my frindship with this guy I can't quite maintain composure to write about him. Eventualy he got cured of that cancer and went on a 3 month remision until another form of cancer in his chest was detected. He went thru tratment for that and went to remision about a year later. 4 months after that he was again dignosed with another type of cancer and underwent tratment again. My friends, at that age this young man went thru this same cycle 13 times. Yes, 13 (thirteen) times. His body was all scared from over 50 operations and biopsis. The one thing that always stood out about this guy was that in the years I shared his friendship he never complained. I wish I had done what I am doing today 19 years ago, I think he tough me that and I ignored it. I stayed kind of away thru his last couple of tratments as I grew angrier at the situation and felt I could do nothing to help him. It was part of my process but if I could do it again I would do it a bit diffrent. Rodrigo died shortly after as his body could not tolorate any more treatment. Rodrigo's spirit and experience is in part responsible for the way I live ever since. Rodrigo was 23.
As I said another one of the good friends I made during my stays at the hospital was a young girl. I was introduced to her by one of the nurses at the floor. By the way the 19th floor. I was introduced to her because the nurse wanted to show her what a "cry baby" she was being about getting her IV neddle in her cathater bulb. It may seem like an unsensitive act by the nurse but the reality was that it was very profecional and compasionate. Cry Baby are my words but best discribes it. The reason I was brought as an example was because I never got a cathater. I did not let them put one in. The reason very simple, after tratment is done you need to get another small operation to get it out. I had my mind made out that I would not stay one second longer than what I had to at that place after I was done with tratment. Removing he cathater applied to that rule. So I was always given every medicine thru my veins. After a while you get used to it but sometimes it took 13-15 needles to finally catch a suitable vein. So I was introduced as a guy that stood the pain and that neddles were nothing. The truth of he matter was that this girl was very scared and she sremed and yelled everytime she had to take a needle in her chest. She just could not relax. Both at the hospital and at the clinic I held her hand many times and stood by her while she was being stuck by those needles. She was ding fine. She went in remision and I saw her about 6 months later when we coincided at a fallow up visit. She had hair now and had gained a few pounds. She looked like nothing happend and was indeed a beutiful young lady. She was happy and back in school. In our brief conversation she told me about a dozen plans she had. I was thrilled to see her so well and likewise she was happy to see me too and thank me for my help during those ugly days. We went our separate ways and promised to keep in touch. Kasandra died 2 months later. She had a bacteria which she got aparently during the operation to remove her tumor and replace her femur bone. The bacteria never attaked because of the chemo. Aparently she was dead since the operation and did not know it until she had suffered thru all those neddles and all that time. The Ironman will not bring my friends back and maybe it won't help all those who go thru this same situation all the time. But it will help me honor and remember them. It will help me deal with my experience and apreciate why and what I am doing here alive.
As I went thru very dicult situation I remembered that there is always someone having a harder ime than you.!!!
In Oct. 1991 after my 8 days after my first chemo treatment I developed a fever and had to be admitted to the hospital. What happens is that chemo kills your inmune system and becomes very fragile to infection. It requeres agresive treatment with antibiotics in the hospital for a few days. As I arrived I recieved kind of a royal tratment. It was about 9:00pm and I had people waiting for me at the lobby. They new my name and after a few papers I was told where to go and that my room was ready. Wierd!!! This must be a rich & famous hospital or I am dreaming. Not quite, as I arrived to my floor and walked the hall I realized where I was and why the diligence. In burden worda they all know how screwed up you feel and want to get you to your room ASAP. In more medical terms they all know how fragile you are and the concequences of an infection or bacteria that you would net be able to fight. All the patients there had cancer, period. Some better as me and some worse but every single person there had the "monster". It was evident too. You could see people with no hair walking uncovered and most impacting the protesis of thoose who had been amputated because of their tumors. During that stay I met a few people that eventually touched my heart. One was a built up young man about 18 or so and another was a Haitian girl who was about 16 at the time. They both had a comon cancer that attacked young people in their femur bone and many are amputated. I talked quite a bit with that young man as we visited each other and gave support. More from him to me than the other way around. He was a 10 month veteran of treatment. This guy was so positive it was contagious and although I have quite a bit to tell about my frindship with this guy I can't quite maintain composure to write about him. Eventualy he got cured of that cancer and went on a 3 month remision until another form of cancer in his chest was detected. He went thru tratment for that and went to remision about a year later. 4 months after that he was again dignosed with another type of cancer and underwent tratment again. My friends, at that age this young man went thru this same cycle 13 times. Yes, 13 (thirteen) times. His body was all scared from over 50 operations and biopsis. The one thing that always stood out about this guy was that in the years I shared his friendship he never complained. I wish I had done what I am doing today 19 years ago, I think he tough me that and I ignored it. I stayed kind of away thru his last couple of tratments as I grew angrier at the situation and felt I could do nothing to help him. It was part of my process but if I could do it again I would do it a bit diffrent. Rodrigo died shortly after as his body could not tolorate any more treatment. Rodrigo's spirit and experience is in part responsible for the way I live ever since. Rodrigo was 23.
As I said another one of the good friends I made during my stays at the hospital was a young girl. I was introduced to her by one of the nurses at the floor. By the way the 19th floor. I was introduced to her because the nurse wanted to show her what a "cry baby" she was being about getting her IV neddle in her cathater bulb. It may seem like an unsensitive act by the nurse but the reality was that it was very profecional and compasionate. Cry Baby are my words but best discribes it. The reason I was brought as an example was because I never got a cathater. I did not let them put one in. The reason very simple, after tratment is done you need to get another small operation to get it out. I had my mind made out that I would not stay one second longer than what I had to at that place after I was done with tratment. Removing he cathater applied to that rule. So I was always given every medicine thru my veins. After a while you get used to it but sometimes it took 13-15 needles to finally catch a suitable vein. So I was introduced as a guy that stood the pain and that neddles were nothing. The truth of he matter was that this girl was very scared and she sremed and yelled everytime she had to take a needle in her chest. She just could not relax. Both at the hospital and at the clinic I held her hand many times and stood by her while she was being stuck by those needles. She was ding fine. She went in remision and I saw her about 6 months later when we coincided at a fallow up visit. She had hair now and had gained a few pounds. She looked like nothing happend and was indeed a beutiful young lady. She was happy and back in school. In our brief conversation she told me about a dozen plans she had. I was thrilled to see her so well and likewise she was happy to see me too and thank me for my help during those ugly days. We went our separate ways and promised to keep in touch. Kasandra died 2 months later. She had a bacteria which she got aparently during the operation to remove her tumor and replace her femur bone. The bacteria never attaked because of the chemo. Aparently she was dead since the operation and did not know it until she had suffered thru all those neddles and all that time. The Ironman will not bring my friends back and maybe it won't help all those who go thru this same situation all the time. But it will help me honor and remember them. It will help me deal with my experience and apreciate why and what I am doing here alive.
As I went thru very dicult situation I remembered that there is always someone having a harder ime than you.!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)