August 30th 2011 Live life like there is no tomorrow!!!

It was early November and I finally hear the words I have been waiting for.  “Alberto you can go home, I will see you in 6 months for your follow up check up”.  As I left the clinic that morning I was very happy but no celebration took place.  It was expected.  I was then cancer free and that was all that mattered.  I beat the odds.  I Survived and lived on.  That was the important thing.  I went home only to find myself lonely, like in the middle of the ocean.  Sure I had Julissa and my friends and most important my family but now what?  It was time to get on with life, perhaps get a job and maybe start a family.  Thing people look forward to as I did.  However there was always that part where every single future plan even a day ahead was plagued with “what if it comes back again”.  It was fear, it was horror, it was many things but no matter how confident you are that you can beat it, you respect it and most of all you fear it.  You have that fear every day and every hour until it becomes part of you and in my case I carried it for 20 years.  20 years later I still fear it but I have found the confidence to not let it be a factor or control my life anymore.  That confidence is what the Ironman gave me, that is the end result of my race and my training, that is the new and improved me.

So, I could not finish the Ironman.  I always said shit happens and it sure did but I was ready to accept any outcome.   I had always written that God created everything in balance and that life was just a fragile balancing act.  Want proof.  Here you have it.  I rehearsed many times and cried many times as I imagined crossing the finish line.  I wanted it so much I could taste it.  What I never rehearsed was the dark solitary side of the road at mile 15 of the marathon where I would end up forced to surrender my race and what I have worked so hard for, the finish line.  For him, it was not about the line, it was about changing me and that meant testing my most remarkable asset.  My character.  It has taken me far in life both good and bad but it has been the one thing that makes me who I am.  Sunday night he taught me the only lesson that remained in this process.  Character is not equal to success, as you must equally have character to accept defeat and to accept that things are not always going to be what you expect or prepare for, even as your determination is unbreakable.  He gave me 130 miles to think about it, he was generous and when the time came he made his presence known and I was ready for the test.

I started my race in perfect fashion.  I was physically perfect.  Nothing was wrong, nothing.  I felt strong, my feet were perfect and by the way I never had a single ache on my feet all race long they were perfect.  As we lined up I was enjoying what was happening, it was an experience by itself just looking at 3000 athletes ready to take on such an amazing task.  We had a team prayer and then positioned ourselves as coach K told us.  Obviously the elites at the front and me somewhere in the middle.  I was there to race not for brunch.  Within 3000 people, I found an open spot about 30 feet around, and I just kneeled on the water and talked to him.  I thank him, and I said, let it be what you wish.  Off we go.  I found fairly clear water pretty quickly but as always I felt awful the first 800 mts or so.  I could not get my rhythm but hey what’s new?  I felt like I was struggling but kept going.  By the time I reached the mile marker I was feeling pretty good and by the time I reached the half way mark I was there just in my programmed time.  So, on my way back I was smooth and in perfect shape.  Plan was a 1:20 swim I stood up at 1:20:23 but I marked 1:21 because I had to wait for the line to move across.  Perfect.  My transition was uneventful and as planned actually 2 minutes better but I was still wobbling from the swim.  I got on my bike and by mile 2 I was a rocket.  I felt great.  As I said I had to watch my speed to stay aerobic but for some reason aerobic was 23-25 miles an hour, So, go baby go.  I flew thru the first 30-40 miles.  On the first climb I was disciplined, got on my climbing gear and up I went no problem.  I was watching my HR all the way and keeping my zone but the road was good and sort of downhill so I took advantage of that.  My problems started right after that first climb.  I was cramping.  Oh no what is this.  I revised my nutrition and my water and I was right on the money but no question my legs were cramping.  So I started drinking as much as I could.  As much as 30-40 oz every 10 miles or so but no relief.  I started then taking more salt but took it easy since I was so worried about the salt intake after my stroke; however it was the only thing I could think about.  As I entered Richter pass (a 6 mile climb) there is small hill to navigate and as I did, it seemed to alleviate my cramping however they returned right after I went up.  A mile down, another station, so I stopped to reload on water.   I drank another bottle while I was there and off I went.  Up we go.  I was cramping the whole way up and at mile 3 of the climb it was so severe I had to get off and walk a little bit to get rid of the cramps.  This would continue to about mile 56.  Here I realized my first mistake.  The special needs bags were not at mile 56 nut 20 more miles down the road.  That meant I had no more nutrition for 30 miles as I had already ran out as planned.  However, I always carry plan B.  I never use it but since the race had aid stations I did not need to carry an extra bottle of water and I was fine at 60 oz. which meant I had an extra bottle holder on the bike and I decided to take a bottle with pedialyte.  The baby drink to help babies when they dehydrate..  Now it just became my life saver.  I started to drink that and actually drank it within 15 minutes.  As I drank this I am still trying to figure out why my cramping.  I knew I was not dehydrated so it must be salt.  Having no other answer I popped 2 salt pills and drank them down with the pedialyte.  20 minutes latter as I was on my way to the special needs bags I was finally fine and my cramps went away so I was right, it was salt.  It felt eternal but I finally got to my bag and my replenishments.  I found a little spot away from the sun and quickly replenish everything including pedialyte and had a sandwich.  I changed my socks and I felt pretty good.  As I am coming out of the bathroom one of the volunteers points at me and says, “hey buddy you are bleeding are you OK”.  As I wiped my nose I saw I was bleeding.   I just said I was fine and kept walking.  He offered assistance but I just told him I was fine and that it always happened.  Obviously not true.  I had a pretty bad nose bleed and I knew exactly why.  At that moment I could only remember my mother and how much she would suffer if something happened there because of my blood pressure but there was no way I was going to pay attention to that at that moment so even as I was concerned I got back on my bike and rode away.  At this point I was drained; something took over where I was slow and without energy but kept on ridding as I could.  The next 16 miles would be up hill and by mile 95 I was cramping again.  I took the last two salt pills I had and ran out.  By mile 100 I was cramping again and had to get off the bike and walk the rest of the hill up.  So as we say, I blew up. From mile 102 it would be down hill and so I went as fast as I could.  BTW somewhere after the Special Needs bag I was stung by a bee on my left thigh.  How crazy is that!!!  As I return to town I started to prepare for the marathon. Other than the cramping which would go away if walking I felt pretty good by then.  I changed my uniform, refreshed and took on 2 slices of pizza and lots of water.  I was in the tent by 9:20 but my plan was 9:00.  I was running by 9:30 which meant a 7:30 marathon which is well within my reach.  As I start my run I felt as always with the brick legs so I started as planned on a 1 minute walk and a 1 minute run which would go on for about 1 mile.  By mile one I had my legs back and I felt perfect.  I was still a little winded so I continued on a 1 and 1 pace hoping to increase to 2 and 1 by mile 3 or 4.  At mile 1 ½ I saw Julissa at the side and stopped to kiss her and told her I would see her in a while as I kept on going.  As I crossed mile 3, past the water station,  the end begun.  The unthinkable, the thing I had forgotten about.  Yep…….Blisters!!!!!  It was my left foot.  I felt it and I knew it was coming but it was not quite there yet.  I was ready, as I had creams and blister shields which I was caring.  I stopped by the side of the road and greased up real good my foot.  As I got back on the road and started running again it felt worse so I started to walk, I still had time.  I was moving too.  I kept on trying to run but as I did, I could feel I was punching on it every step.  So I started protecting it but the only way to that was walking.  This went on for 12.8 miles.  With the turnaround just around the corner I started to worry about the time.  I had been doing calculations all the way and I was good but would have to maintain the pace or run some more.  I had decided that on the way back I would run the down hills and walk the rest.  That should be enough.  By mile 12.8 my biggest fear just materialized I am now hurting on my right foot.  I started walking on the side of my feet as I knew the special needs bag was right at the corner and I had everything I needed to fix my feet right there.  I made it past the mat in 3:36  with 3:54 to go on the race meaning a 5 minute stop to fix my feet and a 3:36 going back meant 13 minutes to spare which I for sure I would need to take care of my feet along the route.  I sat down, changed my socks, got my recovery drink ready, and got my feet ready to go in 4 minutes.  I checked the blisters and although they hurt the skin was still attached so I was in good shape.  So I am back on the road and walking fast.  At this point I am feeling strong and moving at about 15:45/mile which was very good.  As I pass the mile 14 marker I continue to calculate and felt pretty good about it.  Still moving at close to 16 minute miles I looked at my watch and it was 8:36.  At this point I could feel it.  If I made it to mile 16 by 9:00 I would be an Ironman no question about it.  However other plans were in the making.  As I started to climb about 1 ¼ miles from mile 16 I started feeling my right foot getting worse.  One step, two step, three step and boom!!!!!  A sharp lightning of pain ran up my leg all the way thru my spine to my head.  There it is the skin on my right foot just let go and broke creating a very big blister on my right foot.  As this happened there was an official motorcycle a few steps ahead and they had a flashlight.  I asked the official for the flashlight and took off my sock.  As I saw that blister I knew I was in real trouble.  I put on the sock and the shoe back on and continued to walk in real pain as I could no longer protect the left foot with the right foot as they are now both blistered.  I looked at my watch and set the pace.  I paced as fast as I could while tolerating the pain but pain was not the important thing it was not breaking off the skin on the left foot which is now protecting the right foot. So the best I could do while limping was about 18:15-18:20 per mile with 11 1/4 miles to go.  It is now 8:54PM.  I will continue to move for another 11 minutes trying everything possible to find a way.  Even to run.  By 9:06PM I was more than 10 3/4 miles from the finish line with less than 3:00 hours to make it back.  I made the calculation at least a dozen times but at a pace of 18:00/mile I will fall short by about a mile of the finish line or 15 minutes or so of the cutoff time.  I knew I had hills to go up and my feet will deteriorate as I walked along.  It was then I knew my Ironman was over.

I sat on the side of the road as I could just cry in disappointment.  I was heartbroken.   I sat there and thank him for allowing me to go for 130 miles and for everything he has done for me.  After a while  I was at peace as I understood what he wanted.  I understood where the balance was.  It was not about getting to the lights and celebration, it was about character.  It was about having the character to accept defeat on the side of the road 11 miles from the finish line.  That is what at least this Ironman was going to be for me.  I was ok.  Very Ok.  I understood.  What will happen next I have not even told Julissa?  I have not told anyone and frankly I was kind of wanting to keep it to myself.  But I have just received such an enormous amount of support from everyone that it is only fair I tell you how did my Ironman truly ended.

One of the most disappointing things in the Ironman event is when you do not make the cutoff or drop out of the race.  It is then an official asks you for your timing chip.  It is then when your race is truly over. Well, as I sat on the road some volunteers came to keep me company and some officials came by and asked this and that.  I was expecting someone to ask me for my chip but I still had it and no one had asked for it even as I told them I was done. I asked all of them to let me use their phone as I wanted to call Julissa and let her know what was happening but for some reason and even as I said the same thing to all of them, none either wanted to let me use it or did not have one, or had no battery.  About 25 minutes after another official rides up to me.  They are all very nice.  This was a young guy about my age or younger.  By now I am getting cold so the effects of 130 miles are taking their toll and I am very slow moving or getting up.  As he asks me if I was Ok I started crying again as I told him I was fine just heartbroken and disappointed as I was doing the event as a cancer survivor and for athletes for a cure.  Immediately he got off his bike and sat beside me.  He asked again if I was a cancer survivor and I said yes.  He gave some very encouraging words even as I realized why he was there so I asked him.  You are here for my chip right?  His answer I will never forget.  “Yes I need your chip but I will also tell my friend who was diagnosed with cancer last week that I just met a cancer survivor that just did an Ironman with heart and soul until his feet could not carry him any longer.  I know he would look forward to that in the future.”  His name was Walter.   Funny thing is I cannot describe Walter.  Yes like that.  I can describe the two volunteers that stayed with me, the officials that passed by and even the car I was transported to the aid station.  But not Walter.  He was actually the only one that was riding alone and what caught my attention was that he was not wearing a reflective vest either.  I cannot remember what the volunteers were doing while he sat beside me.  Its like a time lapse.  I was with the volunteers before he showed up then it was only him and me and then the volunteers again.   Before people say that I am either crazy of full of shit I will leave it at that but the truth of it that the only person I talked to and the only person I looked in the eyes, and the person that spent the most amount of time with, I cannot describe except that a picture pops in my head every time I try to describe him except for his age.   The picture I leave to your imagination.  He got on his motorcycle and drove away leaving me with the two volunteers as the support car just drove up.  These guys are trained on delivering bad news but I prefer to think Walter was genuine.  Actually I will forever know who Walter was, as I knew he would not leave me by the side of that road alone and disappointed.  I am sure he came by to make sure I understood that character was more important than a medal regardless of what that medal stands for.  My chip was not found as they were searching for it at the medical tent and I told them Walter took it.  Apparently he had to scan it to inform I was out of the race but at least at that time 2 hours later that had not happened.  You figure out the rest but I rather live with a smile on my face that my chip never made it back!!!!!

I did it.  I did the unthinkable.  My coach turned a sloppy fat guy into at least a half athlete.  To him I say I had the distance no question about it.  I was ready.  I need feet to get there but we will find a way and I will get my Ironman somehow someday.  The lessons learned, to me by far will exceed any event in history.  To my friends and teammates I can only say thank you from the bottom of my heart, to my readers I must say I love you all for following what has been a transformation of mind and soul, and to Winter I can only say, mission accomplished as we raised 80,000 for cancer research and don’t worry my Ironman will come soon.

Finally I truly and from my heart appreciate your comments about me being an Ironman regardless of what transpired and I know I am and I feel that way.  However the event, the sport and the people that accomplish such an amazing event deserve all the admiration and respect that the Ironman for so long has endured and signifies.  Even as you can feel it and even as me being an Ironman in so many ways, Kenneth, Carlos, Raul, Jose, Frank, Diane, Manny, Pepe, Julio, Chewi, Georgie, and Henry you guys are true Ironmans.  Congratulations and it was a privilege racing and training with you guys.

Life is about balance life is about believing not only in yourself but in someone that is there to protect you and guide you.  You must accept the bad and you must remember and cherish the good.  In summary life is very short so, LIVE LIFE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW