It was now late October and if I can recreate the dates aplied to today, Friday was my last chemo injection!!!!! At this point I was done with the treatment but not yet finished. 1 weeks left. My life was horrible by now I am so deteriorated even as chemo stoped 3 days ago I can't stop throwing up. I can't hold anything. By now I can' stand the taste of Orabge Crush and I am jus miserable. 7 days after, Friday, I will go into the hospital with a fever and will remain there for 9 days. My blood counts will almost dispear and I would eventually have dificulty moving from my bed to the chair. Dr. B had gone on a very rare vacation and left another Dr. incharge. But Dr. B was always Dr.B. As the Dr. explained to me what was happening I told him I felt like I was dying. He told me if it was under any other circumstance he would tranfuse me but he also said Dr. B explained to him that I went 13 months with out a single transfution and gave orders to only tranfuse me as a last resort. I will never forget his words....."you just endured your last chemo, ever, you need to recuperate on your own, and you have to fight. In a couple of days you will start to get better on your own." OK........ This sucks but it was also very true. So, it was a waiting game only won by time. So I started to fight. It was not particularly hard, it was all based on the light at the end of the tunnel which by now I could see. They are not going to make me any sicker so I just need to fight this off and I can only get better. I needed help to go to the bathroom, I could not eat, and I was in constant pain in my joints. I was basically lifeless except my mind worked and was at war. This went on for 3 days until by day 4 I started feeling better. By day 9 I was out of the hospital and guess what I was doing. Yep......Going home PERMANENTLY and Cancer FREE. Soon after, I had hair again and by the day, I was getting stronger as I tried to start my life back again. With in 2 months I was "normal" again at least phisically and only the scar in my eye was visible. However upon time I learned how truly marked I was by what happened to me. It was not that evident and it took I would say about 19 years to figure evrything out. But hey, I guess the important part is figuring it out regardless of time. I became content with many things and I started questioning most other things, like fitness to be exact. I mean when I got my cancer I was fit as a rock. Food, well I have always eaten a lot of crapy food but in the end I would not eat anything fat free, or cholesterol free, or diet nothing. I just have this belief thoose things cause cancer. But then again I smoked until 4 years ago. That was smart, really smart. Don't eat and whole wheat bread couse it would give you cancer, instead smoke a pack of Malboro Lights each day. Frankly I should have goten the stuipid award........yearly. In the end it just goes to prove how wrong I was and how much of an idiot I became. It was all a hidding place just something to say or someone to blame. Even as I accepted my miracle and my second chance at life I made every effert to destry it as much as I could, but eventually I changed. They say time changes everythings and heals all wounds. It is true.
I needed a reason, a purpose and most importantly a goal. I found it in my son's passion, God placed it right in my face last year in Orlando when I met Winter, and then he backed it up with a great training coach and a super training group. At this point I am right there 1 week form the big event. 1 weeks until it is all over or maybee until it all begins. I always said I needed to heal and to sort things out. Get my anger out and feel the burn again. All that has been acomplished in so many ways. But then again, it is not a free a ride. See. you can lie to yourself but you can not lie to him. Yes to him. The one always by my side. The one who protects me and the one that guides me thru. The one that teaches me, and the one that heals me. He expects nothing in return , but demands perfection and even as you can't see him you can always feel his precence and his power. Yes, I am talking about God. My mentor and companion everywhere I go. What, you though all that has happened to me was just bad luck. No. No way. He tested me, he wanted to know how comited I was to changing and accepting what he KNOWS is best, even if that is not what I expect or like. He will not give me a free ticket, not a chance, he was the first to say. "Ironman, Ok lets just see how much you really want to change, lets just see how much you really want to make a diffrence, lets just see how much you are willing to endure to serve my name because this is not a test, it is my plan for you, and your purpose within the delicate balance of life".
So, here we are 1 week away. Guess what? He is never wrong!!!!! With in a year, I have transformed my body from, well, no need to go there, to something that resembles normality, my kids have understood and practice daily their willignes to help people in need, they understand the fragile balance of life and how it can end in a heart beat, I could die today and my kids would be ok, for sure, because of their willigness to help others they have earned them the respect and love of many, as a family we have memories that will last a life time, as a father I have the admiration of my kids, as a husband I am the luckiest man in the world, as a son, my mother will see me go from the hospital to the finish line, as a survivor. I have done my share by raising awareness and by collecting money to kill cancer, and as for me, I have been around very amazing and loving people that have witness how I have changed. I have heeled my sorrow and my anger, but most important I look to the future and fall in love with life evryday. They all told me the Ironman was about the training and it was very true. The finish line is the goal but if you think God was going to place his bet on a line somewhere in Canada you were as wrong as I was. He already won his event and showed me that although the finish line is my celebration I have already reached it in my heart and I am a better man for it.
So.......Ironman Canada. I am scared shitless............. 140.6 miles is a long way with out a car. You are always scared of the unknown and maybe that is what I am going thru. Don't get me wrong when that cannon goes off I will be race ready and will go for as long as I can. I will turn my fears into power and determination. Everything has been done. I have trained and I am now healing my feet and getting a few final details covered. We practiced race pace yesterday on the bike and it went well. I stayed diciplined to my speed and my nutrition which still needs a little discussion but that is why we practice. I have held the Ironman group (guys that have done an Ironman or elite guys that are training for their first) during practice 60 miles. I rode with them, obviously strugling at times but yet it was a confidence booster. Come race day, my race pace will be a lot slower but I will hopefully get there by midnight. I get such a belonging feeling from thoose guys. I mean their time is your time as you have seen them work hard in every training session and you just become part of that event's brotherhood where you just want evryone to do well.
Shit happens, all the time. What will happen race day I have no clue. I will tell you this. It has been a true priviledge to train with the people I train and to be involved with a charity and a team like Atheletes for a Cure, Team Newton and Team Winter. I have no clue what will transpire on Sunday August 28th but I will go for as long as my body will allow me to go and I will make every effort to finish the race as I have so many times promised I will. However, I am ready to accept any dispointing circumstance with honor and joy. I have already won in so many ways.
I have done my part for others, so now its time to do it for me and the team that has supported me thru all this time. So "who do you race for?" Given I am running for the Prostate Cancer Foundation, I have already done my part. So.... Who, why? You know when I was diagnosed with Cancer many people called to give encourouging words of well being and wisdom. You cherish and apreciate all of them but there are only ones you always remember. Those are the ones that say "fight and don't give up, you will beat this". I am dedicating my race to a group. Yes, to the Coach K Endurance Group. Let me set it clear, I have recieved support from so many people that it would just be unfair to single out any individual to all I will be for the rest of my life gratefull. However my training partners, those close to me and my coach I need to recognize by themselves because what they have done for me is nothing close of amazing. So I will only adreess the coach K group and then a few others. OK...........Ok.
Coach K = My shadow. You did the unthinkable that was turning me from what I was to what I am. You got it from day one, understood and participitaed in my reasons. Coach you transformed me to what I see in the mirror today. Thank you
Jose Nazar= Nothing will ever please me more than to see you cross that line in the time we both know you can do. Man I still remember you from a year ago and I am so glad to have been by your side all the way. You have been one of the support pilars for this team and for me personally. Thank you my friend and we will for certain continue on after the ironman.
Carlos Maldonado = President of the discipline committe. Getting the support and confidence from an athlete like yourself goes a very long way. Longer than you would ever know. I look up to you and maybee some day I can come close to acomplishing what you for sure will at Ironman Canada. Goodspeed to you my friend.
You know we all have our countrymen pride and convictions. These three is what will be representeing the speed our Island is presenting this year at Ironman Canada. These guy are the elites. Go Puerto Rico!!!!
Pepe= President of the hate comitte. From day 1 you never doubted me and always confirmed that I would do this. Trust me hearing this from and acomplished Ironman means a lot. Thank You
Raulito= I see your confidence and I see your experience in long events and I look at what I can acomplish. You are true gentleman and a spiritual leader at least for me. You take God on your bike as I do too and that creats a bond that can not be broken. The best for you my friend.
Omar= Always there to train and always there to help. You are a special human being and I an honored to be your friend and training partner.
Junito= We have fun and your approach is more like mine (except for the nutrition) which is to have fun doing what we are doing and involving our families. I hope youre kids pick it up and soon become part of the team. Thank you my friend.
To the rest of the team and so called "rookies"= You are all amazing people. I never imagined I would enjoy so much just watching you guys develop, train and get better. You have all supported in many ways and you will always remain my teammates. Team Jochi will continue to support you even as my event is completed. Thank you.
Nestor= WOW!!!!! Just when you think life is one way you meet a guy like this. You are one of my most important mentors in this sport, you have done it all for me both personally and in the sport. We both believe in the same things and we bothe agree why we do these things. I want to remain involved with your friendship after the event and I want to one day imitate evrything that you actually stand for. It is people like you I want to be sourrounded by. Thank you from the botttom of my heart.
Kiki= When you are diagnosed with cancer at 21 you think the world crumbles before your very eyes. It is only when someone takes your hand and says I won't leave you and I am here every step of the way that you realize that fighting is a true option. 20 years ago Julissa did just that and has remained by my side evr since. Under diffrent circumstances obviously but following the same principle, 4 weeks ago I fell hard. Really hard. Julissa as always did what she has always done and was ready to fight and carry me thru except there was one part she could not help me with. That was the training. So along you came, none of your business, not your problem, not your event. But you steped up without hesitation and picked me up from the ground. You did not care, you did not think about it you just believed in me the same way I did and helped me thru the worst of times. You gave me what I lacked. You became my eyes. How do you repay something like that? How do you honor someone like that? I will for the rest of my life try to figure a way. That is a promise. I will never forget what you have done and I will foreever be in your debt for your kindness, love and sacrifice. Although not fisically you will be by my side all 140.6 miles and you will see me cross the finish line hand in hand. Kiki Thank you!!!!!
Others:
Mary Joe and Jaime= You never say no to anything you are just always ready for others it is unbelievable. Because of the confidence i got from you in the run walk system I will hopefully finish the Ironman marathon. Thank you so much.
Alexandra= My partner. You have always been there to inspire confidence you never let me off the hook with the nutrition and you always said "you can". I will never forget that. Thank You
Luiso, Mendi, Tato, Kermit, Carola= The elite of the elite. When someone like one of you says to you, "you can do it" you start to believe that you can. With out that it is imposible to get where I am. Thank You.
Last but not least,
Jay= One year ago you told me to write this blog and document my training. I followed your advise not knowing what will come out. What has happened is nothing short of amazing. The therapy of writting this blog and the healing it has provided while I share my story and my training is nothing short of spectacular. Your advice has been life changing and I am especially glad that advise came form a friend I have known my whole life. Thank you my friend!!!!!
AND so this is it. Everything has been done and everything is ready, no more philosophy it is time to go for it. Orders are in and it is war time. 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, 26.2 miles running, BRAGGING RIGHTS FOR LIFE!!!!!!! Ajuaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
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