I am disgusted with my running today! I am not putting pressure on myself or beating down the tree because of a bad day believe me I am stronger than that. I am just ashamed of the way I trained today at the track. I started by swimming with the group at the pool. That went pretty good and I can see improvement. I hate doing drills but again I won't question my coach and regardless, I felt, I was improving my form. Ironically losing weight brings a consequence. I am also loosing buoyancy. I had some trouble getting my head out of the water, but in the end that is a very good consequence to have. I practiced breathing out of my left side but it is still a challenge. In future workouts I will force myself to breath out of that side so I can get better. We did the underwater swimming drill again and no problems there as it has become routine. Swimming came good I am very physically tired and most of my body aches in some way. Not having the impact or stress helped my muscles. I pushed hard this morning on the water.
My training program included a 30 minute run after our swim. I left the pool feeling a little vented and still my heart Rate was in the 115 range. I went to the track and started to run. I was feeling all the impact traveling thru my spent legs and up to my head. I concentrated on steeping smother. It took me a couple of minutes to get into pace which I finally did at around 13 minutes/mile. My heart rate kept going up and I was fighting it to come down. I would slow down and nothing and as I tried to maintain pace it just kept climbing till about 147-152. Remember the pill only lets it go to about 156-158. I felt winded and had no power to go on so after exactly 10:00 minutes I stooped and started walking. I tried to restart a couple of times but to no avail I just could not run. I was disgusted with my self, it was the first time I have ever thought of my drill instructors in the military and how I just needed a well placed kick in the ass and good encouragement to keep on going. I remebered how just recently while at the USAT Championships in San Diego, we saw many military guys running thru the base. One particular group we had to stop and let them go by. It was a new experience for coach K and Jochi but for me it was all too familiar. You could see just a few instructors with the lead and mid pack, but those that were lagging behind had about three instructors per runner. Jochi asked why they were screaming at the Marines that were behind and I clarified him that instructors never ever scream or yell, they speak in a laud enough voice so that everyone can hear them and learn from the mistakes others make. Coach K, I explained in terms he could understand. See if you fall behind on a run the US military will give you extremely personal care and attention the same way he does to his athletes except at the rate of three instructors per candidate. Its a service as good as you will get anywhere in the world but that you will always hate to recieve. The only way to refuse service is to go faster and up front and center. In the end I finished up my "run" of 30 minutes while walking as afst as I could which was about 18 minutes per mile. Not acceptable, not acceptable at all. It has nothing to do with me, it has nothing to do with pressure, and it certainly has nothing to do with doing more than I can, absolutely not. There is no in between in the IronMan you either finish of DNF, PERIOD. When the IronMan comes and I have to do the marathon I will have to run. I will be in pain at some point, I will be sore, I will be tired but I will still have to run and get to where I am going before 12 AM. No excuses are valid and that is the way I should train. I have no excuse, except that today I failed. Coach K told me his worry was the marathon and today I proved him right. Again, not acceptable. My fitness level is no excuse today and it wont be come August 2011. Some how, some way, I have to do 14:30/Mile regardless of what happens or how I feel. I better get that thru my thick head and I better do it very quickly. That is all I have to say!!
I am a firm believer that you must fail in order to know when it is that you have succeded. Today's failure, while unacceptable is the first but will not be the last. I will fail many times along the process. That is part of this training, that is part of life. For me the most important thing is that come Saturday's long run, I can do better than I did last saturday. To do that I better get my act together and quick. I need to sleep, rest and do my recoveries and my hydration, that is all I can do to amend what happend today.
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