I was hard on my mom too. I woke up that day decided I was ending it with Dr. B. I was DONE. Physically I was fine but emotionally I was done. Same as my last post. See every struggle has its ups and downs. Managing all aspects of your life plus the training and the Ironman itself is as I am finding out very tough. My decision was based on economics. It was pretty simple actually, either I compete or Jochi competes but it was hard to do them both especially since I was waiting on Jochi's sponsors for more than 6 months now. I was devastated but I was also very peacefull. I knew in my heart I was not quiting I was just postponing, and my reason was meritory. My son's future!! I had no problem with that.
That day I walked into the clinic and as every day I signed up at the reception. Since everyone knew me by then, they gave me immediate access to "my office". For those new reading My Office was a reclining chair that sat on the corner of the room by a window. It was the chair I would sit every day to take my chemo. It had more space than the others and was pretty much alone in the corner which was what I wanted. Since it was out of the way my mom could also be there all the time and we had space for my other needs. It was just my spot. Everyone knew about it and the nurses actually did not allow any other patient to sit there. I never waited in the waiting room but I never asked to be jumped either, I would just walk in and tell the nurses I would be in "my office". They would come and do their thing when it was my turn. However not that day. I demanded to speak to Dr. B. So I sat on the waiting room as I was on an obvious no talking situation with my mom who was very nervous. I finally got in and sat in front of Dr. B. "Dr. B I have decided that I do not want anymore chemo. I feel that I am cured so please give a release to sign so I can go home". He sat there for a moment. I was ready for the fight, I mean I had rehearsed every possible argument he had and I was determined as ever to prevail on my conviction. Trust me when I get in that mode it is almost impossible to change my mind. Dr. B calmly as ever said, "Well Alberto I am sorry to hear that after all you have gone thru. You have done very well but I can not force you to take the chemo". It still amazes me to this day how much doubt those words planted on my mind. So I asked " What do you think will happen if I stop now? "The tumor is gone, right?" "What are the odds". 20 years later I still admire how that very moment Dr. B. instantaneously stooped being my Dr. and became my friend. 20 Years later I understand that as a Dr. he would have never said what he said with such certainty, but as a friend he had all the power in the world to make me go on. What did he say, "most likely your tumor will grow back and you will die because it would be immune to the treatment we just gave you". I was back in "my office" two minutes later asking to be jumped in line, ready for my chemo.
After my announcement I got a lot of comprehension and support from my team mates my coach and most certainly my family. I was devastated. However I continued to search for cheaper options and found hotels and transportation for 1/2 the original cost. Better yet that very same day Jochi's sponsorship letter was in the mail as Julissa picked it up and all of the sudden Ironman Canada was a reality again.
It was certainly a hard blow but I was able to shake it off which was a blessing. It was history repeating it self and life balancing itself out. Life experience put me thru that dark moment and tough me once again that cancer is bad but it will also teach you along the way. If you can fight to survive.
What happened June 6th changed me. It made me think even deeper at my experience and kind of kicked me to get my ass in gear. Was my message complete? Did I get across? Did I change anything? Why do I pretend to accomplish something by the mere fact or accomplishment of getting passed a finish line? I mean I have trained for 10 months and 2 to go. Why does my message need to wait to the finish line? Why not now, why not accomplish something today and celebrate on August 28th? Why not???
I said from the start that this would change my life. So here is proof. I am placing 3 pictures in this post. 1 of those pictures has never been seen by anyone except my immediate family and my coach. For those of you who need to ask the question the answer is, yes. That is me in all three and yes that is me while undergoing chemotherapy treatment for a Rabdomiosarcoma of the right orbit. Or in simpler words CANCER. The other two pictures are of me before getting sick and a today picture while training for the Ironman. When I look at these I see three very special times in my life. All defined by the same feeling, being alive!!!!!!!!
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