March 7, 2011 Just support us, even if you don't understand.

This will probably be more of a public service than anything else or I will probably end up with a few enemies, but most likely I will probably change at least one mind.  I had a brief conversation with another fellow athlete this Saturday as we were on our way for our swim.  He trains with another group, but they were at the same park doing their thing.  I won't mention his name but he reads my blog often and every time I see him we talk a little bit about it.  I appreciate very much his support and I also know his wife reads this also. His comments were by no means specific but I knew what he was telling me and it had something to do with how family understands or lacks understanding for what we do or are attempting to do.  I meditated on our brief conversation and how hard it becomes at times to love your family and attend to them while at the same time train for something as demanding as the Ironman.  THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!

We are packages, yes packages, we are all (as Forest Gump Mama would say) one big box of chocolates and you never know what you are going to get.  We all have good and bad, that is why you associate with people of the same interest in the first place.  Sometimes you associate with the wrong kind and that my friends is why divorce laweres make such a good living.  We just make it a little bit more interesting.  We can't just simply divorce because we are different in so many ways we can't live together, no, no, no, we need to bring in the artillery and fire at will.  I can't talk much about divorce I've never lived one but I've seen my share of friends go thru it and it is always the other one's fault.  Every one has a story, and it is impossible to address each situation but let me just say this.  Lets just pretend for a moment that your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or whoever gets diagnosed with cancer.  If you don't now what that is like well I suggest you read this blog from the beginning so you can get the picture.  But anyway, you need to know that that day is the day your life changes, for some temporarily and for others permanently.  1-If you want your kids to have time with daddy, guess what...... 2-If you what to have time with your wife to go to dinner and have some wine, guess what..... 3- if you need your hubby to fix the leaking faucet, guess what.........  4- What about the concert? can you take me to the concert? guess what........  5-We never talk anymore, guess what........... 6- He/she used to take the kids to school every morning, guess what............ 7- We use to have dinner and party with friends all the time, guess what.......... 8- I can't do this or that alone, guess what............ and 9- finally our life has changed and I don't like this life, guess what...........

Here are the answers:
1-  Daddy or Mommy are too busy throwing up, feeling badly, diarrhea, heartburn, loss of hair, pain, dehydration, nausea, and my favorite, total weakness.
2- Sorry, you need to eat 5 feet from the toilet and anything you eat is very likely to see light again, wine, yeah right!!!!
3- Leaking faucet, sure honey, as soon I gain control of my reflexes, have the srength to get out of bed and can actually put my mind to it I will fix it.  In the mean while how about you put a bucket underneath the leak!!!  BTW buy a nice bucket, it will be there for a while.
4- Sure, I will carry a dump bucket like the boxers just in case I need to trhow up, and depend diapers just in case.  I will enjoy the Choliseo food that I will trow up later, the noise and the beer that will most likely taste like urine from the men's and women's restroom combined.
5- Is there anything else to say?
6-  Sorry I am too busy tryng to figure out how to get up so I can go to get my chemo treatment.
7-  Shall I say more.  Friends, by now you only have a very select few!!!
8- Better get used to it.
9-  There is always divorce court!!!!!

Granted it is a little dramatic but in all intended purposes very true.  The point is that sometimes you are better off supporting than you are understanding.  Is it tough, sure it is.  I takes special people to endure things like that as so it is an Ironman training.  But guess what the good part is.  If you survive cancer after going thru all that you will probably survive anything or just about.  See, your kids will know sooner or later what happened and why things were that way back then.  Your wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend will have with luck and Gods grace, time to heal and become even stronger as a couple or as two individuals that share common interests.  Granted people change after treatment but it is only to be expected after something like that, don't you think.  Maybe you like the new person better or worse but the bond will still remain.

By the way, one question I have.  If you go thru this with your significant other, does this means you need to get something in return after it is over?  I don't think in good conscious anyone would answer yes to that question.  But just in case you do answer yes, I think you are absolutely right in that you should be rewarded in the same matter for all your sacrifice while living with someone with cancer.  I truly do, you should get every thing back no less no more.  Would a little tumor be sufficient?????????  Exactly, I didn't think so!  See, expecting a reward of any kind is just not understanding what you have done, even if it is a good thing.  Trust me nothing in the world would ever compensate what Julissa did for me whaen I was sick, and maybe in a simplistic way of putting it, the only way to return that favor is by doing the same for her.  I pray to God every day to please spare all my family and for that matter evryone from ever needing that kind of support either from me or anyone.  So you see it is all about gratitude and the satisfaction of not only giving it but also recieving it!!!!

See cancer is only understood by those ones having to go thru the treatment and of course that includes their families, but the actual person is the one that will truly understand what it is like to go thru that treatment.  the rest can sympathize and only imagine.  Every one has a different reason to compete in an Ironman competition.  Some do it for their athletic ability, some to prove something to themselves, some do it to prove something to someone else, some do it to inspire, others to try and send a message, and other just to make sure they are not in the hole yet.  Hey some do it to get away from their spouses but yet some do it searching for a spouse.  There are probably a million reasons why, none would ever be understood by another person unless you can identify with that particular reason or cause.  Mine, simple, take your pick, raise some money for cancer research, actually bring my family in closer, spend time with my kids, show my kids that you can do anything you put your mind and heart to do, loose weight and get in shape, win a bet, get off blood pressure controlling pills, make new friends, do something amazing, revenge to Jochi for picking a sport that has to wake up a 4:00AM every morning and many others that will come with time.

To finalize I have news to all.  You can indeed make your relationship a stronger one with your family while training for an Ironman but as the saying goes "it takes two to make it right".  Here is a piece of advice, Next time your significant other wakes up at 4:00AM to go train, find out where they are training.  Fill a bottle of cold water and if you have kids wake them up.  Take that bottle to him/her so that you are there when he/she is done with training.  You don't have to say a word.  Let something as simple as a bottle of water do the talking.  Take a step back look inside and just support us, even if you don't understand.  The Ironman is an amazing personal accomplishment and guess what........you are an integral part of it!!!!