Monday, March 28, 2011

March 23, 2011 "I WAS WRONG"

On my Feb 22 post I finish by expressing my true belief of why I got cured from cancer.  My faith in something bigger than all of us, someone who creates and manages the fragile balance of life and someone I placed my life in his hands once before.  It is funny I wrote on that post "except this time he has running shoes....."

Yes my friends I am an Ironman 70.3 finisher and yes I am extremely happy with my accomplishment.   However what happened on Saturday will go unnoticed by many but will be understood by a select few.  I told you I would not quit, and guess what, I did not.  It did not even pass my mind, but not because of me but because my faith and my trust in what kept me alive 19 years ago.  My love for life and everything in it and as faith will have it would be tested once again on the streets of old San Juan.

My event was pretty uneventfully although the first 500 meters of the swim were hard to come by as I was still battling a severe cold and I could not breathe easily.  However at about 500 meters I kind of missed a stroke and swallowed a wave of sea water whole.  Yes...... I took on all the water in that lagoon.  As I coughed and sneezed somehow my lungs got clear and in a few seconds I was back on my swim and feeling strong and comfortable.  I was aiming for a 40 minute swim with a worse case scenario of 45 minutes.  I left the water at 41 minutes according to my watch but the official time was 43 minutes.  So, for all intended purposes right on the money.  Who would know that a few seconds after I got out of the water the Ironman would eventually turn into a serious complication for me.  As I ran to T1 I felt how I hurt both of my feet while running thru the rough asphalt road that led to the stadium.  I felt it immediately and knew I still had 68 miles to go so I stoped and starting walking protecting my feet.  I finally arrive at T1 and got on my bike.  My right foot felt OK but my left foot had a little sting to it but no big deal.  I felt good on the bike and handled a couple of issues including a low seat.  I had to stop and fix it but no big deal.  I must say I felt alone on the bike, my mind was clear and I was concentrated on my plan even though I wanted and could  go faster.  But the plan was the plan.  I felt I had no help that morning I did not feel empty, I just felt alone.  They say the Ironman is an individual sport and it is true.

See I had a little talk with God that morning because I was a little mad at him.  As I got to transition to set up I was extremely nervous.  Nervous to the point I could not even screw in my CO2 cartridges which is a very easy thing to do.  It seems he was late that morning because I fumbled thru every step of setting up my transition.  I was extremely nervous and scared.  So.... as I left the stadium for the swim I had a little talk with him.  Our conversation was geared towards him not being there in transition and me being all nervous to the point I could not even think straight.  I mean I claimed my ground after, all this is a team!!!!.  I can tell he was listening, because as I walked over to the swim start I progressively got calmer and more confident to the point where 5 minutes before the start I was ready and in total control.  So as I started swimming I felt my teammate had finally arrived.  It happens, after all I am sure he had a lot of calls that morning at the same place.  No problem we were ready lets go!!!!

So as I am returning for T2 I am feeling solid.  I had hit my time marks of my plan every mile every step of the route.  The only thing was I could not take my last nutrition bottle because it was so warm it tasted like crap.  No problem I was feeling strong and in good shape.  So I get ready for dismount and enter T2.  So I arrive to T2, I take a seat, change my socks and get ready for my run.  2/3 of the Ironman done and I am feeling good.  As I finish T2 I get up and start running towards the exit.  KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!  HUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!!!!!  As soon I started running I could feel and knew that both my feet were blistered from the run earlier in the morning.  I stop to think for a minute but really nothing to be done but just go.  I kept my cool and started to run in 200-300 mts. intervals which was all I could do.  I did this for the first 3 miles and as I progressed I knew I was in real trouble and getting worse by the step.  I could feel the blisters getting bigger and filling with water and later I discovered with blood.  By the time I reached mile 4 I knew my race was over or at least my planned race.  I was know on survival mode and the only thing I could do was aim for an 8 hour finish.  As I got to the water station I had to make a decision.  A decision that will for a period of time be difficult and highly disappointing.  No more running, if I was going to reach the finish line it would have to be walking the 1/2 marathon.  As I progressed towards the turn around for the second loop my pain and problem progressed exponentially by the step.  As I reach the turn around, doubt settled in and only one question was on my mind.  Should I stop?  I was injured that is not the same as quiting is it?  SURE IT IS!!!!  It is because I was still on my feet standing.  Stoping would have been for my comfort not because I was physically impaired to continue.  However the pain was taking over.  So as I have said before, history would repeat it self.  All I could think was.....God here I am, as I was 19 years ago.  Not the same circumstances but the same feeling that I have to do what you want me to do.  I am here ready for whatever you decide, but it will be you and me because I can not go on alone.  Now, I want to clarify that no magical power occurs, no sudden burst of energy, in short no magic.  No that is not how it works.  Its a feeling, a feeling of companionship a feeling of belonging.  Pain, sure there it was as intense as ever but now, guess what, I was not alone any more, he was there with me and he was wearing running shoes.  I had my cheering section right there with me.  I decided right there I would finish, so I went on and started my second loop.  It took me 55 minutes to get to the far turnaround and as I did I knew I was on my way back, this time to the finish line.  By now my feet are just a mess and I am seriously hurt all the way to the bone on my foot.  As I passed the last water station my mind set changed from an 8 hour finish to just surviving to the finish line.  By now every step comes at a price and I am doing every thing in my power to accommodate my feet to avoid the pain of every step.  1.5 miles to go.  I stop at a bus stop bench as I had figured that if I took my compression socks off it might help drain some of the fluid from my blisters.  No logic to that but it was doing something to help relieve the pain.  As I took the first compression sock off, I took a peak at my foot and as I uncovered the foot I could see the bags full of blood and water.  I saw how big the blisters were and I realized just how much trouble I had on my hands.  I realized that if the skin decided to peel off on a step, that would be it.  No matter how close I was I would net be able to take another single step forward.  So I put my sock back on and off I went.  By the time I was 200mts from the finish line I could not take a step with out making a sound or taking a huge deep breath.  At that point all the emotion came crashing down, I mean there was just so much.  No one knew why I did not run the 1/2 marathon even as they would eventually find out but I was there just a few feet from ending this wonderful part of my journey.  I had proven to my kids that you can in fact do anything you put your mind to, I was greeted by Winter and Jochi at the finish line and felt whole as I had helped put the message out there about prostate cancer, Jochi placed the finisher medal around my neck, I was about to hug the most beautiful girl in the world, my Gabriela and I would be a 70.3 Ironman finisher.  I would thank my coach for taking on the task of getting me there and will embrace Julissa as my lifelong partner in good and bad.  However I did not want to cross until one thing was done.  God thank you, we did it one more time!!!!!.  I finally crossed.

It was a hard day but  full of satisfaction.  I was well trained and had no problems other than the blisters on my feet.  I was so happy to see so many friends finish in joy and had time to say a few words to some very special people.  Nestor another heavy guy and the nicest guy in the world finished with an impressive time, I was very happy for him, Alexandra who I declared an Ironman and told her I was proud of her at mile 12, I congratulated my friend and blog follower Antonio at mile 10 on his way to becoming an Ironman, and many others including my life long friend Tony who just kept running like a champion to an impressive 5+hour finish.  In all it was a wonderful day were all the hard work paid off.  I was happy and amazed at what I had just accomplished.  You learn every day and that day was no exception.  Our priorities will always change and as I said for many months, we all have our reasons. 

I accomplished a lot by doing this first part.  But the most important thing is that this event marked how my life has and will continue to change.  I look forward to the next event or crazy new idea.  After cancer you don't sit down waiting to die, that is not how it works but every time you need to make a decision it is on your mind.  I will give you an example.  It really mattered very little how fat I was.  I enjoyed eating with out control.  The reason I always gave was,  "If cancer did not kill me, being fat won't either" well as we all know that is pretty stupid.  This philosophy will probably be a good one for many things in my life but it has proved to be very wrong for many others.  I said and I knew this would change me.  I said I had a lot of anger I needed to work out.  Guess what, as I have learned it is probably not anger but being complacent about not doing anything expecting a rotten result because that is exactly what happened 19 years ago.  The ironic thing is that the result 19 years ago was not rotten at all.  I mean the situation was, having cancer does not get any worse, but the result was a pretty good one.  So, after very careful meditation and having accomplished something amazing I am ready to prove to all you and most importantly myself,  that indeed what I have set out to accomplish is in fact being accomplished.  How, very simple...........by just saying "I WAS WRONG".

To all the competitors of the inaugural Ironman San Juan 70.3  congratulations and my sincere hope that this beautiful event was as meaningful as it was for me, regardless of your particular reason.



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