Feb 14th around 4:30 in the morning. I wake up to my mother screaming for me as my father is having a heart attack. 4 times his heart stoped and 3 times I was able to revive him via CPR. I had never used those skills which I learned in the military, however part of that training was also to recognize when a human heart would not start again. My father died literally in my arms that morning which I will never forget. As I had said my father would only say I was crazy to be doing this but I also know that the day of the event he would have been there waiting for me and proud of my accomplishment. I miss you dad!!!
About two weeks into my treatment as sudden as it got there, it disappeared, completely. I am talking about the gray spot in my vision. As I am watching TV it was all of the sudden gone. I had perfect vision. So it hit me, WOW it is working!!!! It was certainly a confidence booster. It had been the only good news I've had in months so I was very happy. I actually though, that was it, no more treatment, sure until my next visit to the doctor. He explained that the tumor had indeed shrunken and will most likely disappear but that it was necessary to go thru the whole treatment cycle so that we can guarantee it will never grow back. At that point even as I was disappointed I grew stronger as I got the confidence I needed to go thru with my treatment and get cured. From that point on I did not like it at all, but I had the confidence that I would beat the cancer and go on with my life. Guess what, I was not wrong.
As the event approaches I get more and more confident. Every day I push a little more to see just how far I can really go and then I always amaze myself of what I can do. I said from day 1 that I would not question my coach and that is exactly what I have done. I know at times coach K thinks I am not putting out as I should but the reality is that other than training I have to take every precaution not to get injured. Moving 270 pounds for hours is not something the human body is designed to do. Coach pushes but is also very aware of how to take care as not to injure an athlete. Wow there is a word, Athlete. In the end I am amazed of my progress and what I can in fact do all credit to my coach that has brought me here. As weeks start ticking down to the event my confidence is growing as my fears diminish. Training will take over and that I am used to doing, its like riding a bike. Coach has done his job, he has prepared me with 0 injuries to accomplish something amazing. I know it is only half the distance but you know what, who cares. I am giving an example to my kids, doing this besides some good old and new friends, and I am giving back to my life which has been so good to me, so the distance is really of no importance. You race as you practice just as you fight as you train, when the bullets start going down range your instructors will not be there to tell you what to do, but hopefully you have trained to adapt and negotiate any situation. Same with the Ironman, when the gun goes off coach will not be there, so I have to do it on my own, he has given me the tools and the training but at some point it is dependant on me, so it is time to start training for that just as we train for everything else. The ipod is mostly gone, and so is any dependency on coach telling me what to do or pushing, it is up to me now and I better get ready for it. I am now converting my fears into confidence, I am growing anxiety with the expectation of the nearing event and I am in literary words getting ready for battle conditions. It is me and only me from now on, coach will guide but the outcome is all mine and what I can do with it. My expectation has always been and will remain the same 7:59:59 for the half Ironman and 16:59:59 for Ironman Canada that has not changed and will not change as my motivation and reason far exceeds the purpose of the time on the clock. However......as my confidence grows I feel I can accomplish anything and that my friend is something to feel extremely good about.
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