The meaning of adoption is to take a total strangers kid, bring it to your home and call him yours. You need to love it, care for it, educate it, and yes support it. Simple right......very wrong! Adoption is a choice. It is a choice that few will regret and many will have a fulfilling life because of that choice. But please understand my message clearly..........The choice is not one of the parents, no my friends, the choice is of our kids! As parents we do not adopt to make our life complicated, or to add an expense to our finances, or to be like our neighbors, or even get a tax deduction. No sir, we adopt because we cherish and dream about a little kid calling us, DAD or MOM. We want to be referred to as Mother and Father, we want to change a life and we want to compete for the ultimate price, which is, our adoptive kids choosing us as their parents, as their true MOM and DAD.
I can't remember the exact dates but they are not really relevant. Julissa and me had been trying to conceive a child for some time know with obvious negative results. We both knew of the possibility of me being sterile from the chemo treatment and no precautions being taken. As this issue progressed where we wanted to be parents we talked about and explored many options. We knew two things. One we would not spend the equivalent of raising a child on a fertility treatment that had no definite results. Two we would take practical approaches to the solutions and will by all means try to keep our hearts out of our decisions. As time passed Julissa grew more impatient. I wanted a kid too I was just more realistic. Julissa started going to the doctors and asking me to go. By now you all know how I felt especially at that time about anything with a Dr. as a prefix to their name. I told her that we had a pretty good idea of what was the problem and that the best idea was for her to get tested and make sure she was OK and with that ruled out we will take it from there. In a nut shell she was fine and able to get pregnant so the arrow pointed straight at me. I agree to get tested as Julissa pleaded with me to do it. It had nothing to do with machismo or embarrassment, I am a realist and like I knew before I was told I had cancer I knew before I was told I was sterile. So I went and got tested. Obvious results, they are there but they are dead.
I explained in a previous post what happened next and how I dealt with the confirmed news. I felt like suing sure I did but in the end I was not about to sue the guy that saved my life. We then went to a fertility doctor. I can't remember his name but I will never forget where his office is in the Munoz Rivera Ave in Santurce. We sat down and he explained all the options possible. I will net get into all of them but lets just say that we would go broke just to try and get pregnant if we followed any of those methods or possibilities. By the way no guarantees. Can you imagine going to Sears buying a 10 thousand dollar tv set that might work or might not and if it does not well sorry buy another one. I don't think so. One of the options was obviously a donor. In many cases that method brings a lot of insecurities in men. Not me, I could care less, in the end I would be a father and Julissa would be a mom and it would be our kid. Where the mix came from, was of no relevance. The Dr. showed Julissa the "list" of elite sperm in their bank. This one is a lawyer, this one is 6' tall, this one is a musician, this one is black, this one is yellow, etc.etc.etc. Give me a break!!! Julissa asked the Dr. to let her think it over and we left. We crossed the street and stoped on the sidewalk. "what do you think" she asked", "I will do what you want I have no problem with anything except giving this guy all our money in pursuit of a maybe"I replied, Julissa, "you would accept a donor", me, "of course, I have no problem with that at all, but let me tell you something you need to know. All those qualities he just gave you about those men...they are all bull shit", Julissa "I think so also". Julissa "Adoption?", me "we have seen what my brother went thou, I think we have enough examples of the risks, why not change someones life", Julissa "But I want a baby", me "absolutely", Julissa "so, we are adopting?", me, "yes we are". Right then and there it was decided. We never looked back we were adopting and that was it. We informed the family and as any mother would, Julissa went to work. She spent weeks going to bed at 3 and 4 in the morning researching. I was proud of what she was doing and felt blessed to have her by my side.
So to make a long story short in March 4 1997 our son Jose Adolfo Garcia was born in Guatemala. His mother gave him up voluntarily as she could not care for him and the whole process was done thru the government authorities. One day later Jose was under our care even as we could not take him out of the country until he had a passport. Julissa flew o Guatemala the next day and made sure he was left in good hands and had everything he needed. I saw my son 1 month after as I went to Guatemala. As soon as I saw him something just went click. I can't explain it but I can assure you that from that day on I would do anything I had to do to protect and care for my son. No matter what it was. He was my son and my responsibility, so I was up to the job. I once heard a mother say she did not love her child until it was actually born and she saw him. I think its true, however once you see it there is no turning back. So Jose came home and most of the rest is history. I did learn thru the years that adoptive parents are a special breed. They say we choose our kids and that our kids are blessed. Not true, We care for our kids because we hope and pray that one day when they are old enough to comprehend what is and was involved they choose you as their parents. I suggest you watch the movie "The blind side" for a better explanation. All of you adults reading understand why I can not give more details but that is how we feel. We want to be chosen. As it turns out we liked it so much we did it all over again with daughter Gabriela.
Yesterday I ran the Contender Triathlon. One of the biggest triathlon events in Puerto Rico. Obviously Jochi was there to race also. At this point in my training this would be my last sprint distance tri, as I need and I am ready for longer distances. Yesterday I had all intentions of going hard and see what I was made off. Including giving my kid Jochi a run for his money. The event is the first tri to be televised live in PR so many people where watching the coverage as helicopters and cameras capture the action from many angles. 3,2,1 and we are off. I felt strong in the water but paced my self as I kind of the knew the route was longer than it should be. By the first turn I caught up with Jochi who was struggling and resting. I stopped for a minute and asked him if he was alright, he said yes. I figured he went out to hard and needed to catch his breath. It happens after all he is truly competing. I ffound a gap in his despair, here is my chance of going ahead of him for the first time. So I went ahead and kept on swimming. I wanted to beat him as I would have months of fun afterwards but the truth was that I could not clear my mind that he was behind me and not in front. See if he is in front I can see if something happens and I can help if needed but behind me is tough. I kept talking to myself that he has done this many more times than me and that I would be alright. I kept going, but he was on my mind. As I reached the beach for my second lap I knew he was still behind. As I entered the water again I could not see where he was but I was still in a race and needed to keep going. I was worried about his time and what was happening. I slowed my pace a bit, I wanted to beat him but I would feel very uneasy going into the bike and leaving him in the water. Then, it happened. There he was right by my side, his head out of the water, looking winded and in trouble. As he stoped besides me he started struggling with his goggles. Now I am starting to worry. I ask him "what is wrong, are you all right?". He quickly responded, "My goggles are broken, they are filling up with water and I can't see". It was automatic..........not a single though came to my mind, no analysis, no options, I was blank. In an instant I did something out of pure instinct. I took my goggles off and said "here take mine and go". Jochi is always thinking about others with is his humble nature, but for some reason he did not ask me anything or said a word. He took my goggles and hand me his broken ones as I said "make sure you put them on tight" he was gone and swimming hard. I took his smaller goggles and put them on as they filled with water immediately and no way of stoping it, as the silicon seal was separated from the lens. This was a good idea. So much for beating the little raskal. I stoped for a moment to think and well it was pretty simple. This I am trained for!!!!!! I continued my swim and started using rusty, but effective water navigation tools I had learned in the military. I tried them for a few meters and they were working pretty good. So off I went trying to get my rhythm. I knew what Jochis problem was so I was know confident he was alright and in front of me so I could concentrate on my now new problem. For the most part I was alright the water was coming into my good eye so that was positive. I swam with my eyes closed at a slower pace but making sure my stroke was equal on both hands and I stoped kicking as hard. I would every 15-20 strokes pause and with my left hand as it came forward raise my head just a little. Pulled the goggles away from my face and drained the water. I would get my heading on the marker and went on swimming for another 15 - 20 strokes. I must say that after a few tries I felt pretty relaxed and continued my swim. About 100 meters from the last marker I was already feeling a bit tired but I knew I was close. As I took one last look at the marker.......PUFF the band snapped right out of the goggles broken in half. That was it no more goggles. I placed them inside my shorts and kept going with my eyes closed and looking up as needed. Now my navigation became very erratic because I had my bad eye wet with salty water which is not good at all. I was erratic on direction making me look more often but I was know on the last 25 meters to the beach. I compensated by swimming harder but I was know turning to my strong side as I had difficulty equalizing the pull. As I got out of the water I handed the goggles to coach K who was at the beach. For me it was important for him to know what difficulties both Jochi and me had, for one so that he can evaluate how Jochi recovers from his mishap and for me so he knows I was OK and that I just had equipment problems. So up and running to T1 to get my bike.
Jochi's bike was next to mine and I felt relief when I got to my transition and his bike was not there. I got on my bike and started my ride. A few seconds later I could see Jochi coming the opposite way from the turn around and he was flying down the road. I felt good and proud. He knew he was behind so he kicked it a notch to make up for it and he was fine doing what he loves to do. So I kept going on my bike and got to my rhythm and riding hard as it was my plan.
At the end of the day I felt really good with my performance. I can ride harder but I am having a little bit of equipment issues at the moment but nothing serious. It was also the first time I ran the 5K completely no walking and felt great about it. I was ready for a second tri after I finished.
As I crossed the finish line I was told that my exchange of goggles in the water with Jochi was all transmitted Live on TV as the helicopter camera caught all of the action. I was actually amazed by that. Later in the day it finally hit me. My son was in trouble and I was fortunate enough to have been there for him to help him. It is ironic that I was there because of his inspiration to get into this sport. For me it was a simple thing, I like to believe any dad would have done the same. But in the end it was so rewarding there must be a reason behind. I don't know why Jochi and Gabi came into my life, but I am cristal clear on what my mission with those kids is all about. As a father I just wish I could always be there as I was on Sunday to help either one of them when they need me. Life is not that generous but for the time being I will take Sunday's event and place it in my most memorable moment file. Like I said I did it instinctively but after reflection it was an opportunity for me to show Jochi just how much I want to be chosen as his father when the time comes.
How about you, will you be the one chosen?
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