About half way thru my cancer treatment I was given a break and started getting radiation therapy. Radiation is like an x-ray, it is just a machine that makes a little noise and that is it. You feel absolutely nothing, right!! Well yes and no. My radiation therapy consisted on shooting a ray thru the center of my eye to kill the bad cells in there. The actual therapy was very quick probably about 45 seconds or so. However it took about 15-20 minutes to fit me into my mask. The ray must pass at the same angle every time so in order to acomplish that they fit you into a mesh custom made mask which is fixed to the radiation table every day. The process of making the mask was kind of cool but as always when they tell you to stay still things automatically start to itch. Anyway every day as I arrived and waited my turn just looking at all the people there for the same deal. That place was full al the time. When it was my turn I would go in and lie on the table. The first day I was scared. In came the nurse with my mask and the process begins. It takes a while because the fit has to be exact every time. Once fitted you are staying still and well evrything itches but you dont scratch or the process must start again. They shoot the ray and feel absolutly nothing. The nurse then comes in and takes you off the mask and you are sent home. I remember the first day I said to my mom, is that it. This is good. No chemo, no hospital stays, and no throwing up, I can get used to this!!! The process went on 24 days in a row and after the 24th day I was sent home smiling. So I was done with radiation right. Right I was ready to go in and see Dr. B for a change of plans. I was for sure going to tell him that the radiation deal was much better than the chemo deal. He will buy it after all he wanted the best for me right. Right. No probem at all I had the thing figured out right, WRONG!!! It is now two days after my radiation is finished. By the hour my eye burns more and more until it becomes unbearable. In a matter of 8 hours the right side of my face is burning up. I have a big red circle around my right eye. My hair had grown back, it was short but it was hair. So directly behind my eye all the way in the back of my head I start to loose my hair again until it is bald. Actually till today I still have that bald spot. My eye turns cherry red and I am scratching as hard as I can. By morning I had a swollen eye and a bald spot. Mom please take to the hospital emediatly. I am in so much pain in my eye it is ridiculous and I truly though they screwed it up and ruined all the previous work. As I walk into the Dr Tse's office in Bascom Palmer I pleaded with him to tel me what hapened. He explained to me that thoose were natural and expected reactions to radiation theratpy. Because of me scratching my eye so much I managed to sratch my cornia which is very painfull. So you see it was my fault. Yeah right. As I got trated and sent home I though about the radiation Dr. and how diffrent he was to all the others that treated me while I was there. I can't remember his name or even his face and even if I wanted to I could not even remember where the radiation room was other thatn at Jackson Memorial which is very big. Why is this Dr. relevant, other than him being an idiot they have said he was the one responsible for leaving me sterile. How about that!!!!
Yes folks I was indeed left sterile from as they say, radiation therapy. I am a logical kind of guy and to be honest I don't think it was the radiation that left me that way although my radiologist was in fact a bonehead. I know little about medicine but logic tells me that there is a big distance between my head and my ...... well you know. Unless something in the brain controls that part of my body and it was righ along the path of the ray it is highly unlikely that radiation was responsible. In all honesty I believe it was the chemo. The truth is that they should have told me that could happen and precautions could have been taken. In that department I know for a fact that Dr. B and my mom dropped the ball along with others. I have to admit that after it was too late I was kind of angry at the situation. Suing crossed my mind. However one day I started thinking and came to a simple conclution. My mom didn't care about that sort of thing, in her eyes if tratment was not started right away I would instanly die, she was desperate. I think it was a little too much to think at that point about something like that although she should have. In terms of Dr. B wll maybe he droped the ball. However here is a man that created the protocol to treat me and practically saved my life. He fucked up in one thing, a myor item, but you know what, WHO CARES. I am here aren't I. I ask myself, God gave me a second chance of life, he is probably watching and what do I want to do sue him for a few bucks. I don't think so!!!! I all yes I was left sterile but you want to know a secret, It was a smal price to pay. I had spoken to some lawers about it and sure they all wanted the case. I hope there are no laweres but if there is one reading my apologies but all you guys like is won cases like mine, the dificult ones you don't want or want to get paid regardless. It is a fact of life but a bad one at best. In turn I felt what it meant to do the right thing. Sure I had been damaged, sure it would hunt me for life and sure I would have probably gotten a lot of money. For what, for trashing my doctor, the one that put all his effort into saving my life. Unfortunately you don't see that a lot these days but in my book doing the right thing felt great. After that I was a better person.
I believe God has a plan for each and every one of us. Mine was to adopt my two kids, Jochi and Gabi. that is my job on this land. I won't get into much detail but my kids needed me they both needed a father like me, one that was willing to do anything for them regardless of consecuence. They were both born in crapy circumstances and I have gotten a life lesson out of both my kids. I am a stronger man, I am wiser and I am a better person just by knowing my kids. I am here to educate them, make them into productive people or athletes or whatever it is that they choose to do I am here to see that they have the cahnce to succeed and the space to fail. The armed forces tough me to fight against all enemies they tought me to defend our borders and our nation they tought me how to defend our way of life and they tauogh me how to defend our country against all enemies foreign and domestic. It also tought me to defend and protect my children, chidren that needed protection and someone to defend them. I was lucky enough to have been there. I wish I could give Julissa the gift of life, for her to become a biological mom. I can't. It hurts me and it hurts her but that is just another price we have to pay. That is just another notch that cancer gave us and that is why I hate this desease so much. That is why I need to finish this race and that is why I have to laugh in cancer's face and along with my friends scream out loud....HERE I AM YOU SON OF A BITCH, I AM ALIVE AND STRONGER THAN EVER, BUCKLE UP BECAUSE WE WILL FIND A WAY TO KICK YOUR ASS EVERY TIME YOU DARE TO SHOW UP.
I started this page yesterday and could not finish. I have been thinking a lot about what I have disscused here today. I am lucky I am so lucky. I have decided to invite a very special friend to Ironman Canada. Not to compete but to take a vacation and see me finish. He is not an emotional person but I know for a fact that he cares and he cares very much. I will take my time to find the right words and meaning to my invitation but I have decided that I will invite Dr. B to Ironman Canada. I want him to see me finish something amazing and thank him one more time for saving my life.
Training, sure I trained today. It was a good day. We swam today and the program called for 2100 mts. I was kind of glad and for days I was about to tell coach K to crank up the volume and to get serious. I was feeling very comfortable with the previous distances we were swiming in practice. I did not say anything because I always apply famous Navy slogan. Do as you are ordered but do not volunteer for anything. Since day 1 I always said I would not question my coach and I did not but I was glad to see the volume increase. As we swam the practice was hard. I was struggling near the end when coach K decided to give it a little personal touch. He called evryone to the wall and said we were going to do 50 mts hard swim 10 times. Oh Lord!!!!! There was some winning but although I did not like the idea I kept quiet as I always do. I figured I would do my best. As we got on with it I concentrated on technique and moved as fast as I could. 53 seconds not bad. Then the second, the third and so on. By the 6th repetition my arm could not pull any more but I kept going with what I had. The funny thing is that as we went on I actually got quiker. How about that. Man I was feeling good. Near the end of each rep I could pull no more but other than the muscle failure I was feeling great. After we were done I felt really good about what we had done that day. i saw seasoned athletes struglling and i was struggling too but I held my own in the front. My effort merited me with a text message from coach K with a good effort message. I was happy about it very happy. I was indeed feeling very comfortable with the distance we were swiming I though I had it made. But as I though I had it made I got hit even harder!!! I am sure it will get harder after this new phase gets easier. That is the Ironman!!!!
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